relationships

Happy Thoughts (How To Find Happiness)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

What is happiness anyway? And what does it take to stay healthy and happy throughout our short time here on this spinning rock?

I often wonder about that one dear readers. Well, I think about it constantly if we are going to get down to brass tacks. I keep it on my mind and in my heart in particular for safe keeping.

With so much uncertainty in life and the responsibility to make good decisions it can be challenging to know what to do with the time we have available to us. And because of this uncertainty, it seemingly becomes a lot easier when we delegate our free will to other parties, letting them live rent-free in our heads when we should be taking care of our own shit.

Then we can live like crabs in the bucket.

You see, the well travelled route in many cases is often the least satisfying overall, but it is in our nature to avoid resistance sparked behaviour. Living our lives with a goal of everyone should have the same, and no one can do better, because then you get attacked and shamed.

And you can do it to other people too if you are feeling down ever.

Which is why that old adage of “aspire to wealth and fame, it will inevitably lead you to happiness” is a false one. Sure it is incredibly easy to work “really hard” at a singular focus, especially when that focus is one that makes money. But the results of that behaviour lead us away from what can really produce those happiness results.

Let me elaborate.

There are common career paths that people can take, and often you will find that those paths get applause from the majority of people because they are “safe” and pragmatic. But the reality is that we aren’t all cut out to be teachers, healthcare workers, engineers, accountants, and salespeople. But those jobs are prevalent everywhere, so they get positive attention.

Don’t be confused and think that I disagree with those professions, no I think that there are people who are qualified AND passionate about those areas and should be in those jobs, my concern is that the crab bucket mentality pushes people (especially creative people) who shouldn’t be in those fields to set their standards in the wrong direction.

Which is why it appears to be fun and acceptable to fantasize about wealth and fame. Having money seems like a great way to assure yourself of security in life, and fame looks to yield those results too.

Now if you haven’t had the pleasure of reading tabloids or gossip magazines, guess what many of the people who experience ridiculous amounts of fame struggle with? Relationships and health. The ones who have worked hard on themselves and their full skillset don’t see these issues, but those who limp along, then hit a spot of luck with whatever talent they have aren’t truly ready for the incredible pressure that money and fame put on an individual.

As the Notorious B.I.G. would say, mo money, mo problems.

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So how do you combat that problems of mediocrity and overexposure? It’s simple really, you recognize what your life purpose is and go for that. However much or little time you can dedicate to it, you put that full effort into your day and over time you will find that you are investing your energy into healthy relationships too, because you are naturally happier.

But that’s not it, that’s where we run into the problem of rookie rockstars.

It’s not just as simple as following your life purpose. The kicker is that you have to find a way to build and maintain intimate relationships too.

This video by Robert Waldinger is a pretty solid summary of what I’m referring to.

As a creative type, you will struggle with self-doubt and you will experience people who don’t believe in or undervalue what you are making, but loneliness can be even more toxic then the problems of addictive behaviour. What I mean by this is that you can definitely be in a toxic relationship and feel alone all the same, and avoiding people just because they don’t “get it” won’t help either.

You need to believe in what you are creating, and protect it, but never shield everything for the sake of your craft. As the saying goes, don’t cut off your nose to spite the face.

This balancing act is definitely more challenging, but it is so worth it when you can look back even one year and say to yourself, I am loved and I accomplished this!

What do you think? Is this just a theory? Or is it a theory with some salt? Until next time my friends.

Tim!

Stop and Start (Trainwreck review)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

I often wonder how the writer(s) arrive at a title for the movie they are making, and at what point the production executive(s) step in and make alterations, suggest new titles, or farm it out somewhere else.

Anyway, this week’s movie review had me thinking about movie titles again and wondering if this was the working title or the final product of several alterations.

But you’ll see what I mean in a minute.

 

 

 

Trainwreck (2015)
Cast: Amy Schumer, John Cena, Tilda Swinton, Brie Larson, Bill Hader, LeBron James
Director: Judd Apatow
released on blu-ray November 10, 2015
******** 7/10

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IMDB: 6.5
Rotten Tomatoes: 85%, Audience Score 72%
The Guardian: ***/*****

From the guy that brought you The 40-Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Funny People, and This Is 40 comes resident funny director Judd Apatow’s 5th outing. People usually go to watch his films because they blend just the right amount of real life humour with clever humour and clever storytelling to be perceptive, but does this one work well or is it self-indulgent?

The film is mixed bag the more and more I think about it, the concept is interesting, and a lot of the jokes are clever, but let’s go over the story first and I’ll expand further down the line.

The opening scene shows, Gordon (Colin Quinn) having a chat with his two daughters Amy (Amy Schumer) and Kim (Brie Larson), about relationships and to explain that their mother and he are divorcing because “monogamy isn’t realistic.”

Fast forward to the present, we see Amy has taken that message to heart via a montage of her current life –  partying, sleeping with lots of guys, and in a gender reversal, booting them out every night. But she is also casually dating Steven (John Cena).

Amy works at a men’s magazine and after telling her co-worker Nikki (Vanessa Bayer) her most recent conquest, we see her boss Dianna (Tilda Swinton) ask the team for article pitches. When one of her co-workers is pitching an article about a sports doctor, Aaron Conners (Bill Hader), Amy loudly expresses her opinion against sports, and Diana surprises everyone by assigning Amy the article, even though she doesn’t want it.

We see Amy and Kim packing up their fathers house. He has been diagnosed with MS and moved to assisted living. Kim has a husband now and a stepson, who Amy teases. Kim resents their dad because of his lifestyle choices and thinks he is a bad father. Amy wants to make it work and tries to salvage his belongings. Amy later visits Gordon and shares with him that most of his stuff has been thrown away.

Amy then meets Aaron to align schedules and also meets his best friend, Lebron James. Aaron quickly learns that Amy hates sports. Later that night, Amy and Steven are out at a movie. He doesn’t like her drinking, and their fight gets him into a movie theatre fight. While Amy is outside smoking a joint, Steven confronts her about the numbers in her phone.  She admits they aren’t exclusive and Steven leaves, feeling betrayed. At brunch the next morning, Amy finds out that Kim is pregnant. They visit Gordon to tell him, and he’s thrilled to “finally have a grandchild.” This upsets Kim, but Gordon doesn’t believe Allister is really his, so after Amy teases the boy, Kim leaves, noticeably upset.

Next, Aaron is being interviewed by Amy, where she gets a text from her sister stating they should move Gordon to a cheaper home. She has a panic attack, Aaron calms her down, and suggests food. They hit it off. After drinks they get a cab, but Amy corrects the driver, that they only need one stop. And Amy breaks her rule of not staying the night. 

….And I’m gonna stop you right there, don’t want to give the whole plot away!

I have to admit, while I did enjoy watching it, it’s hard to tell if this is an Amy Schumer movie directed by Apatow, or an Apatow movie that starts Shumer. It feels very disjointed, and kind of aimless, which is typically his style, but it doesn’t really make a solid point which seems to be Shumer’s trademark. Having mentioned that, the themes start off interesting by dealing with modern relationship challenges, but it doesn’t pack the raunchy punch that I was expecting, almost like the jokes were there just for shock.

It’s interesting enough to warrant a watch, and people who are fans of Apatow and/or Shumer will enjoy it, but I don’t expect it be kept in any “best of” lists.

Pros: Bill Hader is definitely likeable as Aaron and Tilda Swinton is hilariously awful as Dianna. It is quite funny, and the jokes about interns, The Usual Suspects, and sports are all on point, among other pop culture nuggets.

Cons: The scenes seem to run on a bit longer than they need to and the drama often feels forced. Also the film as a whole is a little long for what it is.

Runtime: 125 minutes

Points of Interest: Chris Rock came up with several of LeBron James’ lines. Bill Hader lost 20 pounds for this role. Judd Apatow contacted Amy Schumer to make this movie after hearing her interview on the Howard Stern show. Judd was blown away by how funny and intimate she was while discussing the troublings of her father’s illness.

Overall, this is a good comedy, but not one of my favourites.

Having said that, I still think that the final name of the movie makes sense. We are looking at the redemption song of a person who at the start of the movie is a “trainwreck” and the movie functions that way too. But what do you think dear readers?

Tim!