life

Home Improvement (My New House and Other House Keeping Thoughts)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

Where I came from, holding a door open for a stranger was absolutely necessary (especially the elderly), and minding your parents wishes at all times expected, but I also had the great privilege of choosing my career path, focusing on creative acts and experimenting with belief systems as I grew up.

A strange combination of conservative Christian roots and post-modern ideals indeed, dear readers.

Now, in case you are wondering what my interpretation of that lifestyle could possibly look like, I’ll start by telling you some of my thoughts on living life. I have strong tendencies towards moral relativism and pluralistic truth-finding, while my creative energy is highly self-referential and irreverent – this is likely why I gravitate towards satire. And satire is best represented in popular culture (in my humble opinion of course). Also, my humour is starkly dry, and I hate injustice of any kind, so satire lends itself well to those values. But on the other side of that coin, I am fiercely loyal to maintaining family traditions, believe in the importance of a cultivated education that never ends, and I will happily defend that etiquette, discipline, and spirituality have their place in properly developing a human being. Even more-so as I step off the singles ledge and into the deep-end of parenthood.

It might seem contradictory to have those combination of beliefs, but I think of it this way, we should carve out what doesn’t work, always holding onto the core pieces that give us structure.

Also, there is an old adage about sweeping your own front door before you sweep the entryways of others, which make perfect sense to me. It’s a universal truth about minding your own business, that we shouldn’t assume to know the first thing about someone. We live in a world today that is very quick to judge or pass judgment on others without looking at ourselves first. We are quick to judge people based on gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, how they make an income, what their income level is, based on where they live and even based on their past life experiences.

But life is way too involving to waste time and energy on what other people are working through. I really can’t see how you would ever run out of things to do to improve yourself, which is likely why I happen to think of houses as marvellous objects and excellent metaphors for change.

Tool Time

As you may know, I’ve been making lots of changes to this brand ever since I started this timotheories business back in November 2014, and for many, it seems like a natural progression to buy property after a certain period of time renting a space. Many people rent for a few years and then pick up a mortgage when they’ve tucked enough savings away.

I decided to to buy a property too. But I did it because I want to have more freedom over my daily life

Buying a house meant finding a mortgage broker who would approve a loan, searching through hundreds of listings, and then viewing more then twenty of them, before finally making an offer. After I put my offer on the table, I was approved. Which meant I could move forward with the next step – I had an inspection of the property done, I put down a deposit,  worked with my insurance company to set up the house insurance, got the lawyer to draw up some paperwork on the sale of the house, and finally closed on the deal.

As I mentioned already, I bought this particular house for a few reasons, one of which was to convert the bi-level bungalow property into two rental units. And I’ve already started that process by replacing the old furnaces and hot water tank with brand new energy efficient models. You see creative cuties, I want to rent both properties and luckily the house came with two furnaces; furnaces that were 20 years old mind you. So rather then continue a string of repairs and having to coordinate with handymen, I signed up for a lifetime warranty plan and replaced those machines. That way I can just give any heating and plumbing concerns over to Always Heating and Plumbing whenever a tenant has an issue. For free. No surprise bills, and the annual maintenance schedule should help keep them alive for many years.

theories Summarized

I also want to pay off the house faster, and turn the house into a source of passive income. That way, if either Mysticque and I lose our jobs, we still have money coming in which could be used to buy another property, build a studio over the garage of our primary residence, or any number of big expenses. It’s a lot of work, but as I’ve said before, home improvement is essential if you want to make a difference in this world. You work with what you’ve been given, but each of us has an opportunity to improve on what came before, by mixing the old and the new.

And if you can keep up that habit, you’ll find you don’t even have time look at your neighbours house, let alone try to sweep up their front step. Leave that mess to the Jones’ and start planning to put in your hot tub instead. Just a theory to consider.

Tim!

 

Am I The Only One Around Here Who Gives A Shit About The Rules? (Anger Management)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

Almost two years ago, I wrote a post entitled The Secret Genius (Attitude is Everything).

It was a Wisdom Wednesday topic I wanted to broach about the importance of both vision AND application in becoming the “you” that you want to be in life. And yes, factors of genetics, ambition, effort, personality and environment are all to be considered when you decide to change your attitude and become the master of your destiny.

Without regurgitating the entire article, I’ll simply state that genius can be cultivated, and geniuses cultivate their curiosity by learning new things, visiting unfamiliar territory, and asking a lot of questions. Or to put it in Dean Keith Simonton’s words – geniuses tend to be open to experience, introverted, hostile, driven and ambitious. Also, geniuses can find patterns where others won’t (Erika Andersen on Malcolm Cowley).

It’s a compelling argument, and something about taking ownership of your life and putting together the pieces, is very appealing to me on a personal level. But there is some required reading in-between the lines too here. In order to be a successful “genius” a positive attitude is essential in relation to your personal motivation and when communicating your ideas. But what I didn’t discuss in that article I wrote two years ago, is that controlling your emotions is just as important of a component when you finally decide to commit to the house rules.

Don’t Look Back In Anger

It can be difficult to admit when you are lacking in a quality. I myself struggle with my emotions, daily. I’m not an emotive person by nature, but I am an emotional person. I feel things deeply and though I operate from a place of analysis, knowledge, and conceptualization, my second-most dominant motivator in life is meaning, significance and compassion.

What this has meant for me is that as I grew into adulthood, I learned to communicate through the lens of my own experience, but often accomplished it by either denying my feelings or holding them at arms length.

In reality I still had the emotions, and when they did surface, they would often come out as anger. I cannot begin to describe all of the reasons why I believe anger is the emotion I gravitate towards in expressing myself, but even more frustrating is the impact it can have on my loved ones. While I may not truly feel angry at the time I am addressing my emotions, it doesn’t mean those people don’t feel the heat from my internal process, and more often then not, those feelings come from a place of victimization.

As I wrestle with my feelings, I go through the entire emotional gamut, often landing at a place of compassion and understanding. But the emotional violence that I and my audience endure is difficult to wrestle with.

Last night Mysticque and I had a good long chat about the way I process new information, my emotional reactions, and how it effects her, and I came to the realization (with her help), that I do this so often, that I am not even aware of it’s impact on my life – I want to be clear that I while I start off this way, it never finishes with the same feelings, because I do process the feelings.

However, I have decided to make a conscious effort to become better in touch with my emotions and express them in a more balanced and moderate manner.

Which is why I am going to take responsibility for my anger going forward.

Anger Is As Anger Does

In a world where anger is often seen as a negative characteristic, it can be difficult to see it for what it is – potential unfulfilled.

We can channel anger into productivity, and we can use it as a source of personal power. But that means recognizing you have anger, and that you are not a master of it. Yet.

If you move through your feelings, you can prevent emotional toxic buildup, but anger needs an output to be constructive, just like any other dangerous tool. Proceed with caution! Exercise, meditation, creative writing, art making, and even driving can become major contributors to releasing anger; because they give the anger purpose and focus it.

Additionally, your mental head space needs to be receptive to change. If you can identify the source of the anger and why you were triggered, you can begin to separate yourself from your emotions and choose when to engage them. By looking at your past history with key events, people, and topics, as an outsider looking in (by literally viewing it as a story) you can learn how to let go and focus on the present.

And one other thought – it is completely up to you to make this change. No one can do it for you, because this is a paradigm shift. Yes, YOU can learn to access and express your anger in a healthy way. Yes, YOU can choose to see that anger doesn’t have to be a destructive force, but a warning signal that something is wrong when you feel it, and also a tool for appropriate self-defence when expressed.

theories Summarized

I still have a long way to go in my mastery over anger. But even the smallest act of saying out loud to someone I trust that this is a challenge in my life, means that I can move forward and look at the situation differently. Anger is a tool to be used in both recognition and implementation, just like any other dangerous object.

A theory to consider, at the very least.

Tim!

Well, That Was Easy (A Return To timotheories Form)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

If you can believe it, I have been quite busy these past few months, dear readers.

I’m sure you’ve noticed this fact, given that timotheories effectively shut down in the month of August and didn’t return back to form until December, a solid four months later. This is largely due to two key reasons –

  1. I bought a house in September
  2. and then I got engaged in November

On top of that, I spent the better part of August searching for the house I have now bought, and once more in October shopping for a ring and planning how to propose to Mysticque on the eve of our anniversary. And spoiler-alert, she said yes to me. Which was both exciting and terrifying for me.

You see friends, I’ve never done either of those two major life things before, but it was finally time for me to take the plunge and make a financial decision that would further my ambitions AND more importantly secure a future for my fiancee and I. But it feels terrifying because I’m making decisions that don’t just impact me anymore. They impact the woman I love, and her son, who will also become my child too. Also, I’m hardwired (just like you) to resist change because it could hurt me.

This is why I consciously decided to carve out those months to complete those major goals and then get back into the rhythm in time for Christmas.

Fear of failure is where the terror comes in. Obviously I don’t want to let them down, nor do I want to put them into a bad situation. But to do nothing is worse because I know what I am capable of, and failure is simply an opportunity to learn.

When we are children, we are given many chances to learn, and as we learn we improve. Riding a bicycle, using a lawnmower, and wiping with toilet bowl cleaner all come with some risk. But if someone who is trained to use those items instructs us properly on how to use those items ourselves, then we can better prepare ourselves to complete those tasks too.

I guess my point, creative cuties, is this – Life will continue to be as it always is, difficult and beautiful. Which shouldn’t stop anyone from pursuing their dreams. Dreams are what make life so interesting after all, they motivate our waking life, it’s that easy. And that’s my major theory for the week.

Tim!

 

Art Tricks, Money Traps (Work-Life Balance)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

We did it dear readers. We finally got through it.

We made it to the end of my series on the Wellness Factors of Life, AKA addressing the OECD index, or if you prefer, the Postconsumers series. What started out as a wild bid on my part in considering how to live a life with less and yet fuller than you could ever imagine, is now closing out with a topic more then fitting – work-life balance. The last factor that can directly effect your over-all state of being in this world of ours.

Because let’s face it, the average global citizen doesn’t even realize they have a creative component of who they are. Creativity that should be nurtured like all of the other things.

Your creative spark absolutely needs to be considered, and it connects quite well with areas of health, spirit, work, family/friends, environment, and personal fulfilment. When all of these things come together, your life will sing with excellence. Or maybe it’ll all fall apart if you ignore any one of those things for too long.

Yikes, that is a depressing thought to fathom. But I’ve been there creative cuties, and yes I may share that story in full one day. The story which led to one of my greatest theories on the importance of pursuing your purpose, it could be a campfire theory even, but not today is not that day friends.

I’ve got a different kind of wisdom to impart.

But first, let’s put a cap on that pen, and bring out the fundamental of life once more.

The Bare Knuckle Necessities

I’m going to make a bold statement.

You cannot achieve the perfect balance of life:
career (work),
spirituality (spirit, creativity),
space (home, studio, environment),
relationships (romantic, family, friends),
health (exercise, meditation, reading),
and fulfillment (hobbies, recreation)

All of these are noble pursuits, and completely attainable, but most definitely not all at once, and never more then two or three at a time. I know you’ve tried to accomplish this on your own, and you may have even fought against the theory because you wanted to disprove it. But like many idioms, adages, and metaphors of life, life hits back, over and over.

It’s not about besting life friends, it’s about taking it all in, giving it your best shot at a few areas at a time, and then continuing onward.

So for you that might mean getting a grip on health, and career for quite a while. At least until you’ve seen some positive gains and have set up some new healthy habits for yourself. I’m not going to devolve this post into going over theories I’ve discussed before on health, productivity and habit setting, but those topics do exist on timotheories.com. This is about you being okay with striving for progress in certain areas, and then moving into progress in other areas.

Automation Station

Effectively you are creating rhythms and routines for yourself that your body, mind, and soul will be grateful for. Think about it for a minute, we are so comfortable falling into the same shitty habits every day after work? Ever wonder why we do that? Hint: it’s not because we want to.

Instead of beating yourself up because you didn’t do everything on your list today, focus on a few things to accomplish each day and follow through on them. Once the systems are in place to make those good decisions a reality every day (usually after a 90 day commitment), you will eventually create your own ideal, and balance will now have a new meaning.

It becomes less about having everything in equal measure, and more about shifting attentions on these areas of wellness as needed. So put the time in, build your lists, schedule tasks, and make one concrete action towards your area of focus each day. As Rocky says, that’s how winning’s done.

For me, what that means right now is making art every week, and marketing my business. Those are two simple things, but I’ve been neglecting them for relationships, work, and health. It’s time to focus back on the art and my own purpose.

theories Summarized

Artists of all stripes have to face the same pressures of work-life balance as do those that ignore the creative path. There is nothing wrong with going one way or the other, but when you make art, never assume your failings at balance are due to the pursuit of creativity – we all struggle with this. Skill, determination and a commitment to improvement are essential in moving towards success within the arts, as is true of any field.

The difference is that your path is not set in stone, therefore the risks and rewards are much greater. But I have a theory that you already know what you need to chase.

Tim!

Dum De Dum Dum Dee Da (David Deida)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

I’m blue da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee da ba die.

When I was a boy, I thought that was a cool song. But when I was a boy, I thought a lot of things were cool, and boy was I wrong. Luckily for all of us, I grew up, and along the way I learned a few things about desire, love, spirituality, and work.

And thankfully, I am no longer blue. Because who wants to be blue when you can be green? (read: my True Colors test results).

Pursuing knowledge, gaining insights, becoming closer to the truth of the matter. These are the things that those of us with “masculine” energy should chasing after at all times.

Worldwide Trainings

I first decided to pursue personal enlightenment back in 2007, just after I had graduated from University, but before I had really settled into any discernable sort of full-time work. I’ve read books on science, philosophy, business, psychology, sociology, history, biography, and the ever popular self-improvement. Now I’ll admit, the first few years of reading were purely based on whimsy, recommendations from friends, and whatever I came across.

But one summer in 2010, a friend of mine lent me a copy of this book by David Deida, and I realized that I knew little to nothing about anything beyond what I could see.

You see, David Deida is an American author and life coach who specializes in books about relationships between men and women as they relate to each other through spirituality and sexuality. At this point, Deida is an interntational bestselling author with many of his books being published in various languages.

He is also known for hosting workshops on spiritual growth and intimacy, and is one of the many founding associates at the Integral Institute. Some of his more popular books on human spirituality include The Way of the Superior Man, Finding God Through Sex, and Blue Truth and the autobiographical novel Wild Nights.

And back in 2010, he taught me something about women, that I’ll never forget.

Superiority Complex

I decided to reread The Way of the Superior Man this month because I know what my purpose in life is, but oh so many of us refuse to acknowledge it.

Coming to terms with the notion that you may be doing everything wrong in your life is hard to accept, but Deida teaches that it is only when we are in moments of quiet reflection that our purpose presents itself. And it will do this over and over again if we need a refresher, all we have to do is sit in quiet reflection. In fact, it needs to be more important than any relationship you will ever have with a woman, and if you stick to your purpose, the woman you are with will be all the more attracted to you.

Deida has jam packed his book full of tidbits such as this, and while at times it seems overwhelming to read, it slowly starts to make more and more sense.

Masculine energy is about consistency, while feminine energy is constantly moving, it is life itself. He goes on to explain further that no matter what gender we are, we all have both kinds of energy, a sort of yin an yang of sexual identity. Where it gets complicated is in understanding that as a man, in a relationship with a woman (which can easily apply to gay men and women as well as sexual identities) it becomes your responsibility to provide the masculine energy so that the woman may focus on feminine energy, where balance is created in the differences.

Ideas of masculine energy leading the relationship, living according to a persona code, seeking freedom at all times, and seeking challenges constantly are some of the things that Deida expects of an evolved male.

That means learning to enjoy the drama in a relationship, working on your sexual identity and skill-set, while living outside of your personal comfort zone. What that means is allowing the woman in your life to communicate with you. Talk about the problem, but do not seek to solve it. Have fun, bring humour to the situation without making fun of her, and love her as she is.

 

theories Summarized

 

I could spend a lot more time outlining the details of this book, but that would betray it’s intent. It’s about spending time with the ideas contained therein, reflecting upon them, and then introducing them into your own life. I’ll leave you with this thought – You need to be both erect and at peace simultaneously, so that she may crush you with emotion, dance, and sexuality. And that’s no theory.

Tim!motiv