self-improvement | timotheories

The 5 Love Languages (Gary D. Chapman)

Posted on September 14, 2016 by Tim Kuefler

Wednesday is typically a day for wisdom here on timotheories, as you know, dear readers.

It’s the day I share ideas from famous artists, motivational pieces of art, give suggestions on things you can do to make your life more fulfilling, and sometimes I dole out my own theories of global wisdom. For example, on one post in particular, I decided to construct my own reading list and then I came up with a catchy theme to describe the different types of books I would draw from to grow and shape my own journey. Like Liu Kang.

I even called it The Reading List. Not like Liu Kang.

Which makes perfect sense to me, even if it is a bit obvious. Like Liu Kang. But then as mentioned I took the post a bit further and came up with a conceptual framework to flesh out the types of books I would be reading going forward.

I called that concept the The 5 L’s of Language, not to be confused with the name of a book called The Five Love Languages, and which is authored by one Gary D. Chapman. Who happens to be this week’s featured author.

Just in case you forgot, this is what The 5 L’s of Language look like –

I will read one book a month from the 5 groupings below, slowly expanding the number of books read so that I reach the point of 5 books a month. A book for each group

LIFE – Biographies/Art/Music

LOVE – Classic Fiction/Non-Fiction/Graphic Novels

LEARN – Business/Leadership/Self-Help

LABEL – Philosophy/Sociology/Psychology

LEET– The Internet

If you haven’t figured it out just yet, the topic o’ the day is LEARN. As In you need to learn your own unique primary love language as well as how the other four work. You do this so that you can properly love yourself, a romantic partner, and even manage other relationships better, whether you are single, married, a child, teenager, or even just a man.

Gary D. Chapman, Five Kinds of Love

Gary D. Chapman has authored at least five books related to the concept of five love languages and co-authored two books on the languages of apology and appreciation. He originally came up with the idea of The Five Love Languages after looking into twelve years worth of his own notes on common patterns he witnessed when counselling couples. He asked a very simple question – when someone feels unloved by their spouse, what do they want from them? And thus five categories of answers emerged.

If you can learn to appreciate the difference between words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gift giving, then you’re working towards a rather positive and generous view of love and how to share it.

I bet you’re hoping for more of a definition of each term, so that you can go out and apply these ideas ASAP. Well, okay, but I recommend that you read the book first, and then run a legit profile through Chapman’s website.

With that mentioned here is a quick overview of each language –

Words of Affirmation: spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
Acts of Service: actions, rather than words, used to show and receive love.
Receiving Gifts: giving gifts that are meaningful.
Quality Time: expressing affection with undivided attention.
Physical Touch: sex, holding hands, hugs – affection via touch.

As you get comfortable with the languages friends, you’ll learn which of the five is most important to you, and then you begin to implement the philosophy into your own life.

For example, if your primary love language is “quality time” like me, that means you should spend time for yourself on meaningful activities, whether those activities include another party or two is up to you, but if you make art, you’ll like enjoy doing it on your lonesome. Or if physical touch is important to you, maybe you spend time in dance classes, making theatre with friends or regularly hugging your friends and family. But that’s just a theory.

Tim!

Death From A Thousand Papercuts (Self-help Books)

Posted on September 7, 2016 by Tim Kuefler

Self-help guides are everywhere. You cannot move within 30 links on the internet without hitting one. On top of that, there are over 240,000 self-help books available for purchase on Amazon. And I’m sure that many of them are fantastic, well-reviewed and considered best sellers.

But the thing is, none of these books are really essential reading. Almost all of them have the same ideas to express to you. You can summarize most of these ideas pretty easily and rather quickly if I’m going to be frank with you, dear readers. I read this great article a couple of years back and decided to summarize it’s summary of this idea for you. So which is greater the summary of self-help books or the summary of the summary of self-help books?

I guess you’ll find out pretty quick won’t you?

12 Lessons From Self-help Books

No martter what the topic, there are commonalities for all tips of self-help and this list of 12 points should do the trick in laying it all out for you, the ever efficient consumer of information.

You are in control of your emotions and can change how you feel. No one else can do it for you.
Mirror successful people. If you follow the habits of the leader, you will adopt them and transcend your current lifestyle.
The law of attraction is real. You bring into your life what you spend your time thinking about. So think on good things OR use affirmations to get you there
Be present and avoid thinking about the past or future. With presence you stop worry and avoid anxiety.
Leave your comfort zone. You need to evolve and grow through discomfort.
Procrastination is bad – Have goals and to-do lists, work on what matters to get what you want.
Accountability for your actions. Own the things you can influence and work to enforce them when good OR change them when bad.
Value your unique qualities. Never compare yourself to others, instead compare your past self to who you are now.
Treat yourself. Have fun, enjoy things you care about. Life experience is important.
Have gratitude. Life is full of problems, but you turn them into opportunities.
Positive self-talk. I can do this. Tell yourself that every time you have doubt.
Visualize what you want. Visualization is a commonly recommended technique with positive self-talk. It is becoming increasingly popular in therapy as psychologists use imagery to not only work through problems, but change behavior. The basic aim is to see in your mind what you want. Advanced visualization incorporates sight with taste, smell, touch, and sound of having achieved your goal.

Should You Read Self-help Books?

With all of that said, you’re probably wondering if you should even read self-help books now. Well friends, I’ll be the first to admit that as I get older, my memory doesn’t seem to be improving, and in some cases, like for instance if I don’t get enough sleep, I definitely don’t remember things that I should.

So you know what they say right? Well no, no you don’t.

Seriously? I just made that point above and you’ve already forgotten it?

The point is this, motivation is temporary but discipline helps us with ingraining new ideas into our being, if you follow a pattern for more then 30 days it begins to take root and turn into a habit, but 90 days its your primary mode of function.

Even once you know the summary of all of these great books, it doesn’t mean you have the practice down to a science. And let’s be honest, the reason why the knowledge is so frequently referenced is because it is pretty useful for anyone really. After all, just because you read a summary, it doesn’t mean you had a moment of enlightenment, sitting with an idea helps in that process. But that’s just a theory.

Tim!

Dear Diary (How To Best Start and Keep A Journal)

Posted on June 22, 2016 by Tim Kuefler

Have you ever tried free writing before, dear readers? It’s a technique where you write continuously over a set period of time, ignoring the majority of the typical conventions of writing – The purpose for free writing is not to produce great content, though that can potentially be a by-product, but rather to address self-esteem and internal criticism.

I’ve tried it a few times before myself, but I’ve found that writing a blog works to that end as well and is even better because of the regularity involved with the creative process. Because whether you believe it or not, what you are reading right now is not the first draft, it’s more like the 6th or 7th version of this post.

For those of you who do not pre-date the internet, a journal used to be the main method of delivery when it came to combining free writing with purpose. Though in many ways the blog has effectively replaced that practice. Or has it?

Now just hang on a tick, I know what you’re thinking.

Keeping a journal seems like one of those monumental tasks which will eat into your personal time and which is mostly self-gratifying. But the reality is that there is no right or wrong way to do it, and it will help provide value in a number of ways…

Don’t believe me? Let’s list some reasons off really quick.

Greater focus and organization skills (ie. to do lists and goals)
A record of past achievements and milestones
Emotion management and stress reduction
Reflection time which leads to self-discovery
Perspective on your own thoughts and feelings
Cathartic release from trauma
Alleviate negative effects of stress and strengthen your body
Working memory improvement
Creativity becomes more common
Thinking about and articulating the next step in the plan
Becoming inspired beyond the obvious and intentional in all work
Accountability for our actions
Inspiration for ourselves and others

Yeah, and that’s just a short list. I read somewhere between 10-15 articles in preparation of this Wisdom Wednesday post, and I just thought those examples were really solid.

The truth is this, journals help facilitate personal growth. To quote this article:

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes a journal such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

I initially wanted to start this post by pointing out that writing a journal is something that successful people do. It’s not just for hormonal teenagers or those beset by grief and cats.

For example, Mark Twain, Anne Frank, Sylvia Plath, George Lucas, Virginia Woolf, Ludwig van Beethoven, Frida Kahlo, Marilyn Monroe, Courtney Love, Pablo Picasso, Agatha Christie, and Leonardo da Vinci are just SOME of the examples of creative people who regularly journal/journaled.

Of course, there are also tons of articles out there that will tell you how you should get started and how you should keep up the habit of journaling. I’m going to tell straight up that you shouldn’t worry so much about the details of writing at this point, but rather, you should figure out when you are going to do it, then build some good habits to ensure you keep at it.

And if you really want a detailed how-to, this wiki will do the trick.

If your journal features content from other sources, so be it. You might find that source material is a great jumping off point or a good visual reminder for the period down the road when you revisiting your work and want to reflect on ideas.

Another good habit to get into is to have a log with each entry so that you know where you were when you wrote, the time of day, and the calendar date. The details will help solidify the moment in time and allow you to only focus on the current event(s), which will be great when reading previous entries – And besides, if you only stick to the negative things or the major milestones you’ll run out of ideas quickly.

The biggest thing to keep in mind though is that it’s not your responsibility to fill in the gaps if you take a break from writing, whether its for a day or a month, resume with the day you’re in and the stuff you’ve forgotten about or missed recording will crop up.

Lastly, if you can figure out a way to personalize the diary with a unique cover (collages, stickers or drawings) that will also help down the road. And consider including “if found” information at the front in the event the journal is lost, after all, this is not a blog and it could get lost.

Okay one more cool thing, you might want to hide your journal from prying eyes, so consider a hollowed out book for storage, because that’s super cool.

And now I’m out of theories, so keep it cool and I’ll see you tomorrow with something timely.

Tim!

We Don’t Need No Education (Paige Knickle interview, Education)

Posted on March 27, 2016 by Tim Kuefler

Friends, fans, family, and followers that last bit of heavy weight on my shoulders has finally been lifted! I’m older, wiser, and mored learned as a result. That’s right, the very last of my delayed interviews has been completed and is now the topic of the day!

Going forward we are going to see an interview a month, and they will all be super current and fresh.

It’s still kind of hard for me to believe I finished this video because this interview looks and sounds amazing. What a great opportunity to learn how to use some new audio equipment, and I haven’t even addressed the content of the interview just yet.

Let’s get to it.

With episode 7 of timotheories interviews, I had an opportunity to interview a friend I made last year when I was taking improv classes, and she is an incredible ball of energy, excitement, joy, or whatever the word you want to use for pure happiness.

In all the time I’ve known her, I’ve been fortunate to learn something every time we’ve interacted. And I just had to interview her and her pursuits so I could show you a perfect example of a lifelong leaner, someone who has her fingers in all the pies, but is also accomplishing goals in autonomy; and in whatever fields she focuses in on. Simultaneously.

Paige Knickle is an artist of many talents – web design, sound production, vocalist, improv actor. And she also happens to be someone who blends both the sciences and arts together rather well.

This one promises to be sweet treat for your ears, that just can’t be beat. I’m using a Zoom H2Next portable recorder which Paige lent me for the interview, and which I loved so much that I bought one for myself!

What a learning curve it was though, but it just makes sense in relation to the experience I had talking with Paige. She is self-taught web designer, with a BA in Psychology, and a vocalist, who co-owns Copper Cabbage recording studio with her partner, does some improv on the side, and is already pursuing a second degree in Music. Paige’s ideas about education, school, and learning are incredibly on point, and it’s hard not share her passion.

But you should take a look for yourself, because I’m not doing you anymore justice writing about this interview, when you can experience it below.

And as always, if you want to check out more timotheories interviews or the Cross Talk series please visit our YouTube channel. And please, please, please leave some comments and of course subscribe to both the blog and channel!

Please also check out Paige’s website and use her creative services.

And of course my sincerest thanks to Paige for being playful, passionate, and philosophical. See you tomorrow with a music review.

Tim!

Here For A Good Time, Not A Long Time (Pomodoro Technique)

Posted on March 16, 2016 by Tim Kuefler

Wednesday is very easily becoming my favourite day of the week, dear readers! I get to share with you resources to better yourselves, ways work on your skill set, inspiring figures to keep you motivated, and all the while provide you with a framework to build your art around so that you are creating work that you care about.

No easy task, for sure. But damn if it isn’t a fun challenge for me!

Today’s post is no different as I have another great element of the skills to invest in series that I want to spend some more time on.

Get it, because we are going to focus a bit more on Time Management. That’s right, time management, the area of life that we all feel a lack of control over. I may have been inspired by Daylight Savings Time or it may have been conveniently timed, but time is precious, and there are a number of people that would tell you “time is money,” which is the equivalent of saying, use up your time and get value out of life.

I would argue the opposite way on this topic. Time is precious, money comes and goes, so don’t trade your time for money. Instead learn to work with time and be conscious of it, so that you can respect it properly. Time wont wait for you – much like common sense, everyone has a different perception of the concept, and reality is far different than what we usually think.

So what does that mean for us, timotheories? How do we become better at respecting time and understanding the value of it?

Well, I am glad you asked friends, because this week’s post is all about one of my favourite time management tools. It’s incredibly easy to pick up, improves your results quickly, and is a decent amount of fun. Which is hard to believe, I know.

I read about it on Reddit of all places a few years ago. Shocker, I know. It’s called the Pomodoro technique, and according to their official website more than 2 million people have already read and benefited from its teachings.

It really is an interesting process and I would be doing the process a disservice by detailing it myself, so I’ve decided to use Wikipedia’s break down for you, exactly as how it works.

There are six stages in the technique:

Decide on the task to be done.

2. Set the pomodoro timer to n minutes (traditionally n=25)

3. Work on the task until the timer rings. If a distraction pops into your head, write it down, but immediately get back on task.

4. After the timer rings, put a checkmark on a piece of paper.

5. If you have fewer than four checkmarks, take a short break (3-5 minutes), then go to step 1.

6. Else (i.e. after four pomodoros) take a longer break (15-30 minutes), reset your checkmark count to zero, then go to step 1.

But that’s not the only important part of the technique – the elements of planning and tracking are key to making it work too.

You have to put your tasks for the day into a “to-do” list and estimate time needed for each task. As you complete your pomodoros, you add checkmarks, icons, or whatever visual symbol you like to each task. This is to identify how long the task truly takes as well as provide yourself with positive feelings about your commitment to working in this way. If you complete a task inside of a pomodoro, you spend the remaining time overlearning the task, to help aid in automation of the task and further reinforcement of the technique.

The breaks also help to maintain focus during the periods of work and keep your mind and body active throughout the work period, avoiding burnout and managing distractions better.

I think the coolest aspect of the Pomodoro technique though is that you are learning to work with time, rather than finding it as an adversary. And if you are stuck for ideas of how to spend your short breaks, you can do some simple desk exercises, organizational chores, short self-administered hand or neck massages, or getting a light snack in.

But what do you think?

Please leave some comments, subscribe to the blog if you haven’t yet, and if you want to get social, please like my Facebook page, follow my Instagram, and follow my Twitter too! See you tomorrow with something timely my friends.

Tim!