emotional

I’m Not Listening (Verbal Communication)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

I’ve I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice, and I’ll probably say it a few more times for good measure.

Basic communication is essential, whether you are a painter, photographer, graphic designer, actor, musician or any other kind of creative professional. If you can become an expert of communication, then the sky is limit in terms of success with your business, hobbies or however you choose to pursue your art. Want to nail that audition? Communicate. Have to organize a meeting for a grant proposal? Communicate. Need to put time in at a trade expo and you want to gain some prospects? Communicate.

Just ask Descendents. They know.

We’ve covered it before, but there are four kinds of communication – written (I chose email as our example), verbal, non-verbal, and interpersonal.

Today we are going to focus on verbal communication and I’ll cite some specific examples from pop culture, and maybe one from my life, that demonstrate the importance of following etiquette as best we can. Now, granted, there have been countless books written on the topic of verbal communication alone, so we can’t expect to simplify the topic in one post, but I think this will be a great primer for anyone who needs some guidance. Whether you are well versed in the subject or merely a spectator.

Move Or Be Moved

Verbal communication, just like the three other forms of communication, requires the sender to convey needs, thoughts and feelings – feelings being what I personally think are central to a lot of communication problems. Conveying what you need can be just as difficult, but for many people it is even more difficult to express emotions in a healthy way. It’s not something which can be easily taught either

It seems as if emotions are either over-expressed in outbursts of anger and sorrow OR held back and expressed non-verbally.

This is why so many families fall into cyclical habits of rebuffing each other with the same arguments and literal arguments over and over again. Without having an alternative strategy to communicate, we persist at explaining our ideas, thoughts, and feelings, without making room for the other party to understand from their position.

When we are capable of emphasizing then dialogue opens up, otherwise the adage of rocks versus hard places presents itself. The Dark Knight sums it up perfectly in fact – within the context of the Nolan Dark Knight trilogy, The Joker and Batman were always going to interlocked in perpetual battle because they couldn’t relate to each other. This also applies to the Batman mythos in general, but more importantly, it applies to those situations where people are at consistently at odds.

Missing You(r Point)

Effective verbal communication really comes down to clarity of speech, a calm and focused delivery, following conventional etiquette while simultaneously correcting for environment etiquette, and being polite and encouraging in dialogue. Simple right?

If you’ve ever seen the movie The Break-up, featuring the under-appreciated talents of Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston, then you are likely familiar with the scene where the very much mismatched Gary and Brooke finally have the relationship ending fight that leads to Brooke saying “I’m done.”

Yes, it’s tough to watch, because we’ve all been there at one time in our lives. Whether the male or female in the relationship (or masculine energy VS female energy for our non-hetero friends). I challenge you to watch the movie for the dynamic between the two before the break-up and immediately preceding the break-up, but before the movie falls apart into rom-com shenanigans.

Those kind of shenanigans.

The main point I want you to walk away with dear readers, is that as much as talking is important in a conversation, listening is far more valuable because it endears each party to the other, allows for a more thorough discussion, and limits conversations stoppers like judgment, self-centredness, derailing the topic, or ignoring the other speaker.

theories Summarized

All that said, no I didn’t leave you with a proper road map on verbal communication.

But I did warn you that this was a heavier topic then one post could cover. I fully expect to cover more tips and strategies for proper communication in coming months. Developing character and honing the correct life skills is absolutely essential in your communications, and if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to run timotheories at all. This is a community based vision, and honouring differences of others through respectful discussion is key to that end.

Put these theories to work creative cuties, and you’ll see the positive results for yourselves.

Tim!

Reflection Injection (Positive Affirmations & Happiness)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

Our days our filled with observations and analysis.

Whether it’s dealing with social hoops of family and friends, the inherent differences between the opposite sex or the tedium of the work week, we have to take in a ton of information and process it rather rapidly, so that we can then move onto the next thing.

As someone who is always thinking about things critically, this can be especially frustrating for me to personally deal with, and I know that we are all victims of our own over-analysis. What we really should be doing, is separating ourselves from our problems and reflecting on the week, REGULARLY, so that we can apply the critical model to ourselves.

But in order to get there, we have to be receptive to the process.

6FUl7

That means looking into healing practices so that you can properly begin the process of self-reflection, and I just so happen to have a couple of tricks up my sleeve to make that happen for you without too much effort, and right out of the gate to boot!

Positive Affirmations and Mindful Meditations

Introspection is an amazing thing dear readers, but you don’t know what you don’t know, as they say. Who are they anyway? Well, let’s not get sidetracked, the word they is just a generalization to avoid citing sources.

So you want to be more introspective folks, because as you examine those negative thoughts, feelings, and insights, you’ll start to feel overwhelmed. And listening to pre-recored audio affirmations that you voice yourself will train your brain to listen to yourself in a different way. As you do this each day, when you wake up and then before you go to bed, your brain sub-consciously takes in these ideas and shifts away from negative self-talk to more positive self-talk.

This next part is important – You need to make declarations, especially ones that you don’t believe at the moment.

The reason for this is that these statements will slowly become things that you believe about yourself over time, and because it is as simple as listening to the statements, you aren’t working to accomplish anything. But they need to be statements that without an end or a goal. Statements of being, identity and purpose.

It’s kind of difficult to explain so rather than dwell on it, I’ll show you. For example, this is my list and it’ll help contextualize the purpose of the exercise.

I am a child of God with infinite worth.
I am always taken care of.
God loves me and accepts me.
I am always more than enough.
The worth of my soul is great.
I now fully accept myself.
My body is now in perfect balance.
I am always healthy and strong.
Everything I touch prospers.
Other people experience their worth when they are in my presence.
Everything works together for my good.

Now I don’t think you need any of the points around a spiritual purpose, but it is important to be balanced in terms of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. So if you have a belief system or you have no belief system, you can replace “God” with whatever works for you. If you are an atheist for instance turn “I am a child of God with infinite worth” into “I am child of humanity with infinite worth”, and “God loves me and accepts me” into “I am loved and accepted.”

Another key component to consider is that when you are recording these statements, you should replace I with you where appropriate so that you are saying these messages back to yourself, and it has been shown that classical music elevates the mind, so why not put some Mozart, Bach, or Beethoven as a backing track?

Next, loop the audio track so that it comes in at about 15 minutes, and export the mp3. You have the basis for your positivity. If you can commit to this process over a month, you’ll be shocked at how much of a difference it makes in your mood, and then see how you feel after three months.

Yes, I know that this wasn’t entirely a “timely” post friends, but this is routine something that I recently got back into myself, and coming off the heels of a break-up, I’ve felt significantly better following this protocol than I would’ve if I had just kept my thoughts to myself.

The results are truly staggering, but that’s just a theory.

Tim!

 

On The Road Again (The Back Catalogue)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

It’s important to take day trips every once and a while, dear readers.

The reason for this is twofold. First, if you take a day trip you are taking an adventure, which is always important to do – you clear your head, gather inspiration, and separate yourself from your daily life. Second, a day trip forces you to either spend time with your thoughts or listening to someone else’s, whether those thoughts are recorded or in real life.

Think about it for a moment, because you likely fit into the same mold as most other people , you struggle with down-time or silence, meditation isn’t really something you get excited about. Thus, you’ll want to fill your day trip with music, audiobooks or talking with potential road companions.

Let’s be honest. Music is the most likely candidate here.

Music is a wonderful primer to organizing emotions in a meaningful way. But the challenge with music is that it is often polarizing between individuals, as well as groups. You get on the road and you hope your tastes line up with your companions, friends, and love ones. But sometimes it doesn’t. And if you dig deeper into the music decisions we make, a lot of the time, we get into musical patterns which limit our growth and stunt our emotional intelligence.

Let’s expand on this last statement a bit better.

For instance, you may only listen to specific genres of music, so you buy music which fits a certain genre and while you may buy new music regularly, you will always careful to stick to that particular theme you trust. Or alternatively, maybe you can only handle certain artists within a genre or genres. You buy up all of their records, but you just aren’t interested in exploring a world outside of those musical heroes.

And of course studies on music preference have been conducted which indicate that certain genres suit our personalities and can determine our intelligence levels too.

This chart below showcases the kinds of musical acts people with different intellects typically listen to.

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And this snippet from an article on music and personality associations shows the typing of individuals based on common musical genres certain personalities prefer.

[Blues, classical, folk, jazz] … “reflective and complex”, you probably see yourself as unathletic, liberal and intelligent (and do, in fact, do pretty well on exams and IQ tests). You are also probably very open to trying new experiences.

[Alternative, heavy metal, rock]… “intense and rebellious” listening types: you share most of your characteristics with the jazz/classical brigade, but you’re more likely to see yourself as athletic and slightly less likely to seek to dominate others.

[Country, pop, religious, soundtracks] “Upbeat and conventional”, you’re likely to be agreeable, extraverted and conscientious. You also see yourself as attractive, wealthy and athletic, as well as politically conservative. Good news: this group is the least prone to depression. Bad news: it scores lowest on IQ tests.

[Electronic, hip hop, rap, soul] You’re an “energetic and rhythmic” listener – extraverted, agreeable, attractive and athletic, but you probably don’t share the political conservatism, wealth or lower IQ of your upbeat-and-conventional chums. This group also scores highest for “blirtatiousness” – the tendency to blurt out your thoughts and feelings as soon as they arise.

 

But what if you don’t fit into one of those four musical camps? What if you have a few genre preferences? Heck, what if you have a really have high IQ and you love punk rock or pop music, does that mean the studies are off base?

Well, no, I think the studies are conclusive, they are taking date from a sample group and applying their models to the general population, and let’s face it, the social sciences, and particularly brain science have not received nearly enough attention yet for us to consider ourselves experts on the subject.

What if you listen to a lot of different genres so you can better appreciate where they are coming from, or what if you want to listen to music from all genres because you recognize that there is value in other perspectives, and you don’t know where to start? Well, I’d recommend checking out this link or this link, for starters.

I have this theory, you see, a theory that if I want to contribute to the music scene, I need to listen to a lot different kinds of music – so that I can appreciate all of what’s available, and quite frankly, expand my own horizons and grow.

This is why I’ve created a Back Catalogue; a list of albums I need to experience reaching as far back as the 1950s. Similar to my list for film, the Back Catalogue is broadening my own collection while strengthening my tastes in good music.

By expanding our music tastes, we can grow our intellect and emotional intelligence. That way, when we take day trips with others, we won’t struggle with the radio on the ride down, no, we’ll be comfortable with the music decisions and will be happy to be on the road again.

But what do you think? Am I wrong for suggesting you expose yourself to new music and artists? Please leave some comments and if you like what you read today, don’t hesitate to like the post and subscribe to my blog. That’s all of my theories for today, see you tomorrow friends!

Tim!

 

Wizards & Wisdom (Actualized)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

Okay folks, let’s talk turkey. It’s Wednesday and that means I need to share some wisdom with you.

Wisdom about self-improvement.  Big topic, I know, and one which I can probably spend a countless number of posts on in the future. *Hint* I’m going to *hint*

Oh come on now, you know I can’t keep secrets from you guys and gals.

That’s right, you must have sensed that I would dedicate today to share a resource (and set up future resources) with you that cover specific skills and traits that can be worked on. The kind of pragmatic stuff we need to level up and become the best versions that we want to be and should be.

That stuff related to physical health, mental health, emotional health, and spiritual health.

The stuff we all quietly promises ourselves we will get to but often struggle with the time or simply figuring out where to start looking.

But before I begin the fabulous and (hopefully by now) familiar practice of sharing a resource, I’m going to share a theory with you. Unfortunately it is not my own, so I can’t take any credit for it, however, it’s too brilliant not to share, so I’m going to source it and we’ll go from there.

The person who came up with this thought on the matter was writing about wisdom as it exists in the Dungeons & Dragons universe, specifically the 5th edition, but let’s face it, it’s damn useful for pretty much anyone.

Lhz97

So here is what Kindulas of reddit has to say about wisdom –

First off, the 5e description is “Wisdom reflects how attuned you are to the world around you and represents perceptiveness and intuition.” …The big thing I realized while thinking of Wisdom vs Intelligence as worldly vs academic knowledge is that animals have high wisdom. Low intelligence, high wisdom. Animals do not have streetsmarts or worldly knowledge, they don’t actually know the kinds of things wisdom is sometimes explained to cover. So I began, instead, to think of Wisdom as all the intelligences animals do exemplify. Perceptiveness and intuition – instinct and purely sensory awareness and alertness. We know Wisdom has to do more than just physical senses because insight, but that’s the place to start pondering.

So I came to the conclusion, especially seeing how 5e handled Intelligence (Investigation). Intelligence is all higher cognitive thinking and all conscious knowledge. Worldly knowledge, booksmarts, all just different expressions of intelligence. Wisdom is subconcious intelligence and sensory awareness. It’s your ability to spot things offhand, your clarity of thought and presence of mind, the accuracy of those “feelings” you get about people.

Now if we are really interested in wisdom in all it’s forms and variations then that sounds pretty dang good doesn’t it?

Well look no further, I’m going to share a ridiculously rad resource I totally and randomly stumbled onto when I was taking my lunch break about a week ago and when I was thinking about toxic behaviour of all things. And yes, I’ll share the first video I watched to give you a potential jumping off point, and if you are interested in letting go of what others think about you.

Actualized.org is a website dedicated to advanced personal development. Leo Gura is the founder and face of this project and has accomplished some rather impressive things in his life thus far. This claim to fame is that he teaches you life lessons which roll up into a skillset. A skillset that let’s you take advantage of your full potential and realize it so that you are consistent in your output.

The topics he covers include happiness, motivation, productivity, money, emotions, confidence, enlightenment & meditation, health & fitness, dating & relationships, sex, depression, life skills, and an assortment of other areas of life.

He has over 80 hours worth of free videos but some of his most popular videos are titled as such –

  1. How To Make A Girl Squirt – Give Your Girl An Explosive Orgasm
  2. How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You
  3. How To Meditate – The No Bullshit Guide to Meditation
  4. How To Become A Millionaire – The Truth No One Tells You
  5. Why Am I Depressed? – The Shocking Truth Behind Your Depression

What is great about timotheories.com is that I am sharing with you stuff that I read, stuff that I watch, stuff that I try, and because of this, all of these posts feature content which is met with trial by fire, trial by combat, or whatever your favourite method of filtering is and won out.

If you want to face your personal challenges head on, you should check out what Leo has to say. Now having put that down, I have not signed up or paid for his “Ultimate Life Purpose Course,” but I am considering it a viable option to focus my own efforts. And besides, the free content alone is enough to make use of.

Why not spend some time building up that wisdom? Otherwise this is just a theory until you can prove it otherwise. See you tomorrow with something timely.

Tim!