Part 2: Life Changes and Adjustments

Introduction:

Hey everyone!

Tim here again, back with more thoughts on my experiences in the past few years, working through my own feelings about my hiatus, so you don’t have to feel alone about your own struggles. * insert hug * 

If you’re still with me after Part 1, congrats! You made it through the renovation nightmares, personal upheavals, and professional stagnation section of my comeback story. In this next post of the series, I’m going to dive into more detail of how my inner monologue evolved while I was away from timotheories, and why I believe this comeback tale can really help you if you ever experience a similar set of obstacles in your own creative journey – don’t call it a comeback you say? Well I was born in the 20th century, so I’m going to give dated references wherever I can, friendo.

Now let’s dive into what happened to my psyche specifically; when I stopped creating and started to question everything. And from my perspective, when I felt most like my purpose was diminished. You see, if I had a dime for every time I’ve had an existential crisis over this darkest timeline… well, I’d probably have enough to buy a week’s worth of coffee. Not fancy lattes, but a regular drip for sure, maybe even from Starbucks. Small victories, right?

Anyway, I’ve digressed enough, here’s where things get real. When I stopped creating, something inside me shifted, and not in the let’s get Zen and meditate kind of way. More like the I’m aimless and life feels unbearable kind of way. 

Yeah, it was no bueno.

The Night Shift:

In Part 1, I mentioned that I had stepped back from content creation to make space for wedding preparation, and eventually pushed it further aside through the rental property renovations, and I truly thought I’d feel relieved to have the focus for that project, like I’d finally have time to breathe. 

But surprise! Instead of feeling lighter, I inevitably felt more weighed down. 

After a few weeks I felt listless, for starters. But then the unresolved feelings began to compound, as my daily decisions often felt reactive and I had to push my way through challenges both physical et mental and force resolutions through,  which is not my preferred way of operating. For example, helping Mysticque navigate any emotional distress was difficult. And my disposition took a turn for the terrible – I became depressed. Which for those of you playing the same game at home, now it meant I always felt tired, was disinterested in my passions and prone to mood swings. 

So in the interest of using my interest in pop culture to highlight ideas, this time around, I’ll reference the M. Night Shyamalan Eastrail 177 trilogy (or as I prefer to call it, the Unbreakable trilogy) to divide up the sections of this post into adjustments I made and why they mattered. A little Split-Glass-Unbreakable cocktail, ah thank you. 

And before you jump on me, I fully realize this is not the correct order of the movies, but work with me here. Lets yes and this people.

Glass (New Routines):

This aptly titled section features all the bad habits I used to cope with in my time away from timotheories and the arts, and how fragile it really made me.

The food didn’t taste the same (seriously, why does pizza taste bland when you’re sad?), and the things I loved to do felt like chores. Which in turn made the chores even more difficult to complete, and always felt stretched thin. I was watching movies to pass the time rather than for enjoyment/fulfilment, and I needed to get through my pile of unplayed board games. Now to be sure, I will always be actively moving through my piles of pop culture even in the best of times, but the difference in this low point was how I handled things. I wasn’t just living anymore; I was surviving. And believe me when I say, that’s not a good place to be.

When creation left the picture, I tried to fill the gap. I bought more movies, music, and games than I could keep up with. I convinced myself that I wasn’t ready to jump back into creating because I “needed” to consume more media first. More board games, more classic films, more obscure music genres—because surely that would make me more knowledgeable, right? (Spoiler: it didn’t.)

And with that, I started becoming more demanding of my family’s time. I’d randomly ask my wife and son to join me in pop culture activities they didn’t even enjoy, just so I wouldn’t feel as alone in my funk. But the worst part? In many situations, I didn’t even enjoy it either. 

I missed my old routines, the rhythm I used to keep, but couldn’t quite figure out how to reclaim it. Transitioning to being a family man was hard, and COVID didn’t help one bit. It felt like the world shrank overnight, and all my frustrations were magnified by the confinement. 

This next part is where I get a little more vulnerable about routines and share a private story.

Almost a decade ago, I went through a horrific breakup that became the catalyst for timotheories in the first place. Which honestly, is a pretty long story and I’ve alluded to it in different ways in past posts, but for the take of keeping this post on track, and because I’d rather go into great detail on it in a program or book or something, I’ll state this old adage instead – those who don’t learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them.

I’ll say it again, but differently: when we don’t think about our failures and learn from them, they become our personal demons.

Upon reflection, in my hubris, I thought I could dodge an important life lesson, which I assumed I knew intimately. Being true to myself and my own needs to create were a necessary boundary, and part of the messiness that led to my 2014 breakup, was because I lost sight of my need to create, which is woven rather cruelly into the heartbreaking psychotic break my ex went through at the time. Again, I realize thats a bit of a bomb to drop, but I can come back to it another time. Just know that I already learned how important self care was, and that for me, a big part of was keeping creativity in my life.

So you see, these new routines during the dark timeline were really symptoms of bigger challenges. And fortunately I managed to come through the other side of it with some serious down-time and support from loved ones.

Split (Personal Growth):

You see, it wasn’t all bad times.

There was a silver lining, which I promise is where we round the corner now, and through the rest of the post as we move into the series. 

And why I’ve got my groove back.

This period gave me a lot of time to think about what really mattered to me and also created a metaphorical split of significance – between family time and finding ways to fill my purpose cup. I will expand upon the family time in the last section, but for now, let’s just say that art always finds a way to exist in my activities, however my personal relationships are going.

I also gave up this weird longstanding notion that I couldn’t handle watching much TV. I honestly don’t know where this came from, and why I got up on a restricted television consumption high horse, other than buckling down in my undergrad and then not shaking it off when I started working in a corporate setting.  I think for me, when I started having less free time, I was pickier about how I spent it. Movies seemed to be a better pop culture vehicle, because they were bite sized, since TV was like a buffet, and I had social groups, and interests, so TV viewing just simmered in the background between 2007-2020.

I would only watch one show at a time, and often go for stints without watching anything. Again a weird flex.

But during COVID, I was temporarily laid off for 3 months, and I also found myself twiddling my thumbs because most of my board games, art and movies were in storage. Hence a catalyst appeared. 

The luxury of time.

So, naturally, and carefully, I readjusted my perspective, using the safety net of Star Wars. I started with the Clone Wars TV series and eventually binge-watched a ton of other shows and yes, I made a list of even more I wanted to get to. It was great – I finally got through Parks and Recreation, Scrubs, Mad Men, Battlestar Galactica, and Star Wars Rebels, among other shows. 

On top of that, I did some learning too – I watched courses on project management and took a really great “how-to” course. It was centred on the concept of making video content as courses for a business. I found it incredibly inspiring and it gave me the very necessary kick in the pants to look at how to make timotheories workable. And when I did get back to work, I applied those new PMP skills and it made a difference in my project management job, allowing me to lead people and processes effectively.

I reconnected with art in other subtle but meaningful ways too. 

Yes I thought about how to make timotheories work as a business but in that exploration I also rediscovered/reinforced I need to create. We did homemade family Christmas gifts growing up, and that dropped off when I got married, but then I also had the good fortune to do that activity, just the three of us, in those insulated years. Not just for fun, but because it’s a core part of who I am, an artist. 

Now we come into the real aha moments, and honestly, these last two were huge for me. Which will also segue nicely into the third section. 

I had two friends on two separate occasions, gave me a creative outlet that I’ve carried onward the past 2 years.

Number one – I dipped my toes into podcasting care of one Mr. Chris Murphy. Just ahead of COVID shutdowns, he had been inspired to try his hand at podcasting. Which we both knew had stemmed from working together on YouTube videos for timotheories. But he ran with this and even gave me the courtesy of “producing” the show for timotheories and I got to join in on about 45% of the episodes. And guess what? I loved it. Turns out, talking into a microphone for hours is kind of my jam. Which healthy me already knew, and would’ve said, of course you should help; You already have make a hundred video podcasts, why not try your hand at an audio-only format.

But then he too had to dial back on the podcast, which sucked. But the spark was already there and luckily, gave me an aspiration to look towards when I felt ready start making content again in this summer of 2024.

Number two – another friend of mine, Stephen Mclean, who I’ve known since my undergrad, had expressed interest in working together on a creative project with me. And then during his birthday event in 2023, he had a really great idea. He wanted to tell a space opera story about the genesis of multiple species in a universe. For some wild reason, I latched quickly onto the idea that I should help him make a board game for this. We both agreed we should just make board games together.

It was a real lightbulb moment for me. I took my BFA background and years of hobby boardgaming. I also applied nearly two decades of marketing project management. This combination went directly into the very challenging and very rewarding experience of designing board games. And we haven’t looked back since. 

It might sound obvious to people who know me really well, that I would do this. But let me tell you something, like the weird stigma about TV watching I got over, for the longest time I had it in my head that I wasn’t a designer either, so I couldn’t design games. I had a fine art degree, and never the two should meet. What a crock of shit negative reinforcement bullshit I had convinced myself of.

So yay, for my friends. The real ones, the ones who believe in me and prop me up because they know I’ll do the same in a hearbeat.

Unbreakable (Support System):

Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t give credit to my foundation. The family who kept me grounded during this time. 

My wife and son were there for me, day in and day out. Miguel, who has recently turned 16 a few months ago, was my friend through all of this, and I’m very proud of the man he is slowly turning into. 

And Mysticque? Well Mysticque always pushes me ahead, and challenges me to think of things from a very grounded and real world view. She is the salt of the earth, and I feel incredibly blessed every day to say she is my partner for life. She believes in my ambitions, she supports my ideas, and sometimes she even likes the same things I do (which doesn’t always happen in marriage it seems), but most importantly, she is my safe place. She’s my ride or die, plain and simple.

As for my friends, that’s pretty clear too. My friends are my family too, and always have been.

 I don’t get to see all of them as much as I would like and wisdom has taught me how to read a true friend from a fair weather one, but they’re the kind of people who would show up if I ever sounded the horn of Gondor.

And my first family, the ones that I grew up with. Well, let’s just say this.

That while the distance has grown in ways I never anticipated, it’s been the best thing for me. I’ve grown into someone I’m proud of, and we don’t need to see eye to eye to wish the best for each other. Boundaries are important for healthy relationships, and I wish the best for everyone truly, and hope they are living their best lives too.

And while finding mentors has always been important to me, I’m glad to finally realize it’s ok to not find in clearly defined personal and professional relationships, a mentor can come through a book or a podcast, what matters is that you learned something valuable from someone who has progressed through the point where you are still learning.

Oh, and a fun fact: I discovered that I actually like cats. 

Not because I wanted them, mind you. No, this was all thanks to the musings of our son, who was convinced he was a cat whisperer. And he pleaded for a cat for many years. My wife in a very practical way wanted to get him a pet since seeing friends and making new ones was hard at the time (2021), so eventually I caved and a tuxedo cat became part of our family. And then when we finally moved to the forever home in the summer of 2022, she coerced me a second time to get another tuxedo cat, since the first had somehow become my little buddy instead of his. 

Now we’ve got two, and in the greatest of ironies, they both follow me around the house at all times of day. Take that for what its worth (LOL). And yeah, a little personal growth and peace there too.

Conclusion – theories summarized:

We did it folks, that’s Part 2. If you’ve made it this far, I owe you a high-five or at least a virtual fist bump. My journey’s still ongoing, but I’m getting there—step by step, day by day.

I learned that routines are an integral part of my life, but more importantly to keep searching for creative outlets, even when I have to focus on other things in a season of my life. That creativity really does give opportunities to us if we are willing to look for them, and that its important to share yourself with those who celebrate and cherish the good things within us. 

And also cats. Cats aren’t the aloof and independent animals we see on TV, they can be the most affectionate and encouraging of pets.

The Night Shift came to me through new routines, personal growth and a healthy support system. 

I sincerely hope this post had an impact on you today, but let me know what you think – do you struggle with juggling your every day responsibilities with your creative interests? How do you navigate that space? As always, hit me up on socials and drop a comment if anything here resonated with you. I love hearing your thoughts, and hey, maybe together we can figure out how this whole life thing works for creatives.

I’ve also shared a link to episode 2 of the Confer Culture reboot – State of the MCU. In this one, Chris and I discuss how Marvel is doing as of July 2024, and we even carve out time for a spoiler heavy review of Deadpool & Wolverine.

Thanks for sticking it out, do creative things for yourself – I’ll see you in Part 3 where we navigate some challenges, that came up in this journey.

Tim!