needs

I’m Not Listening (Verbal Communication)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

I’ve I’ve said it once, I’ve said it twice, and I’ll probably say it a few more times for good measure.

Basic communication is essential, whether you are a painter, photographer, graphic designer, actor, musician or any other kind of creative professional. If you can become an expert of communication, then the sky is limit in terms of success with your business, hobbies or however you choose to pursue your art. Want to nail that audition? Communicate. Have to organize a meeting for a grant proposal? Communicate. Need to put time in at a trade expo and you want to gain some prospects? Communicate.

Just ask Descendents. They know.

We’ve covered it before, but there are four kinds of communication – written (I chose email as our example), verbal, non-verbal, and interpersonal.

Today we are going to focus on verbal communication and I’ll cite some specific examples from pop culture, and maybe one from my life, that demonstrate the importance of following etiquette as best we can. Now, granted, there have been countless books written on the topic of verbal communication alone, so we can’t expect to simplify the topic in one post, but I think this will be a great primer for anyone who needs some guidance. Whether you are well versed in the subject or merely a spectator.

Move Or Be Moved

Verbal communication, just like the three other forms of communication, requires the sender to convey needs, thoughts and feelings – feelings being what I personally think are central to a lot of communication problems. Conveying what you need can be just as difficult, but for many people it is even more difficult to express emotions in a healthy way. It’s not something which can be easily taught either

It seems as if emotions are either over-expressed in outbursts of anger and sorrow OR held back and expressed non-verbally.

This is why so many families fall into cyclical habits of rebuffing each other with the same arguments and literal arguments over and over again. Without having an alternative strategy to communicate, we persist at explaining our ideas, thoughts, and feelings, without making room for the other party to understand from their position.

When we are capable of emphasizing then dialogue opens up, otherwise the adage of rocks versus hard places presents itself. The Dark Knight sums it up perfectly in fact – within the context of the Nolan Dark Knight trilogy, The Joker and Batman were always going to interlocked in perpetual battle because they couldn’t relate to each other. This also applies to the Batman mythos in general, but more importantly, it applies to those situations where people are at consistently at odds.

Missing You(r Point)

Effective verbal communication really comes down to clarity of speech, a calm and focused delivery, following conventional etiquette while simultaneously correcting for environment etiquette, and being polite and encouraging in dialogue. Simple right?

If you’ve ever seen the movie The Break-up, featuring the under-appreciated talents of Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston, then you are likely familiar with the scene where the very much mismatched Gary and Brooke finally have the relationship ending fight that leads to Brooke saying “I’m done.”

Yes, it’s tough to watch, because we’ve all been there at one time in our lives. Whether the male or female in the relationship (or masculine energy VS female energy for our non-hetero friends). I challenge you to watch the movie for the dynamic between the two before the break-up and immediately preceding the break-up, but before the movie falls apart into rom-com shenanigans.

Those kind of shenanigans.

The main point I want you to walk away with dear readers, is that as much as talking is important in a conversation, listening is far more valuable because it endears each party to the other, allows for a more thorough discussion, and limits conversations stoppers like judgment, self-centredness, derailing the topic, or ignoring the other speaker.

theories Summarized

All that said, no I didn’t leave you with a proper road map on verbal communication.

But I did warn you that this was a heavier topic then one post could cover. I fully expect to cover more tips and strategies for proper communication in coming months. Developing character and honing the correct life skills is absolutely essential in your communications, and if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to run timotheories at all. This is a community based vision, and honouring differences of others through respectful discussion is key to that end.

Put these theories to work creative cuties, and you’ll see the positive results for yourselves.

Tim!

The Life You Want (Flea Markets)

Posted on by Tim Kuefler

I’ve been thinking a lot of about value in the past few weeks dear readers.

Maybe it’s because I want you to invest in certain things and avoid others, maybe it’s because I feel overwhelmed with opportunities and need to be more vigilant with my own time, but mostly likely I suspect it’s because I wrestle with dichotomies of all kinds on a regular basis. Good VS evil, work VS play, right VS wrong, love VS hate, indulgence VS frugality. Caring too much VS caring about nothing.

I’ve been told by many people that as we age we become more settled in our opinions and more confident in our lifestyles, but I often wonder if that is just an expression used to pacify and remove personal responsibility.

There is this comic I found a long time ago, by B. Patrick that I think helps with the explanation but is by no means a solution in itself. The comic series is called Eat Shit & Die and this one below is no.202 from back in 2011.

2012-01-04-Eat_Shit_And_Die_202

Let me elaborate – Whatever you can personally effect and control in your life is the portion of your life that dictates what you want. Whatever you cannot control, be it health related, genetics, things that are hardwired, those things you cannot control, but even if you remove those elements there is still a hell of a lot that you can effect.

And maybe circumstances change and things you used to control are taken away from you, but acceptance is important and the life you want needs to be within a framework, hence the expression play the hand that you’ve been dealt.

Which leads us right into today’s timely post. Which happens to be about flea markets.

The visit to the flea market for me is a perfect example of seizing opportunity, for both the buyer and the seller. The flea market is a community made up of people watching, treasure hunting, binging and bargaining.

Using myself as an example, I visit the market to find and reclaim objects that once held value for someone else and bring those objects back into the spotlight – What might seem like a piece of garbage can become a valued treasure, and if you know the market value of things, you can negotiate on a price that is fair and find a home for something that was no longer being used. This is one of the places I go to find albums and movies that are no longer in distribution readily because I know what those records are worth.

Flea markets are a type of space that all people to sell and barter merchandise. They can be indoors or outdoors, and the regularity of the market depends on the type of space used, but they always differ from solitary booths because of the community appeal.

These venues are a way to find goods that are invaluable and it’s all about perception vs expectation with them. As the comic says, if you want to change your life, change what’s important to you. Make an effort to pursue your dreams in unconventional ways, for me, sometimes that means visiting a flea market to get that sense of wonder back.

What do you think? I’m out of theories for now, but I’ll see you creative cuties on Sunday evening with something stimulating. Share! Subscribe! Join the conversation!

Tim!