Part I: The Hiatus (OR More Affectionately, I Hate This)

Introduction:

Hey everyone, it’s Tim. Remember me? 

Yes it’s been a minute or 3,153,600ish of them, give or take 4320 minutes, but who’s counting right? And come on, that shouldn’t matter, because I’m back and with a new lease on life!

For those of you who’ve read my content before, you’ll remember that the tone I go for is a combination of humour and heart, with a dash of humility. So in the spirit of my previous blog posts from years ago, and like so many artists before me, I wanted to take some time to justify explain why I took a break from creating timotheories content before I got back into making it with regularity again. 

For starters, it wasn’t ever supposed to be a permanent stop, just a pause. Back in September 2017, I bought a bi-level house with the intention of renovating it into a two-unit rental property. A few months later, in November of that year, my girlfriend and I got engaged. 

My genius plan looked like this. 

1. buy the house, renovate it, rent both units
2. propose to the girl, marry the girl
3. sell her townhouse, buy a primary home together, grow our family
4. look for a new job, secure new job, quit old job
5. focus on building timotheories and related properties
6. …
7. profit

Steps 1 and 2 were going to happen concurrently, but as you’ll read below (LOL) that never happened. And like a great sweeping cliche, slowly, my focus shifted away from content creation, and by June 2018, I had fully stopped. 

I know what you’re thinking, this sounds like a you problem, and yes, this hiatus was never intended to be a black spot on my creative bingo card, but life has a way of steering us off course, and I found myself grappling with a series of events that demanded my undivided attention and energy. 

Luckily for you, I’m pretty confident this story will serve you, so be my guest, and let my pain and experience be fuel for you, wherever you are in your creative journey; you relate to it or better still, you learn from it. 

And now it’s time for me to expand. Fortunately, I’ve neatly broken things up into three parts, the triforce of experience, if you will. 

Personal, Professional and Emotional forces.

The Triforce of Personal Reasons:

The first plan was straightforward: get the permits approved, hire a contractor, attend my younger brother’s wedding in August 2018, get married in November, and start renovating the house in 2019. 

But life happened, and the contractor I hired delayed the renovations, doing very little work, before I had to inevitably fire him in May 2019. 

For context, I needed him to do many many things (separating the units, creating a proper back entrance upstairs, a subpanel, a new utility room for the basement, lighting the basement, a basement kitchen, etc.) Naively I believe that what I was promised would happen – that the whole project would take 6 months max. And in the time he worked on it, nothing stayed within costs or time or quality. So he had a triforce too, a triforce of mediocre general contracting. But he completed about 15-20% of the work in that time, so I guess I can give him that? But $2000 to paint a 250 sqft kitchen, seemed a little bonkers. You’d think that was the straw that broke the camels back… but it wasn’t.

After a few more problems, we parted ways, and then my dad and I took over to finish construction, hiring sub-trades wherever it was needed to complete the permitted work. Looking back now, there is no way it would have been done within six months, but because of these delays and incredibly awful timing, it dragged on for nearly three years, finally finishing in November 2021. And you’d think that was the only real challenge, and so obviously, I could have kept writing, and like, just suck it up. But in fact, it took another six months to handle the paperwork of what we would accept in a contract, how to find renters, vet them, and then eventually secure our first renter by July 2022.

So that all sounds pretty straightforward right? Ok move on already Tim, tell us how this helps us and stop complaining.

Sure, but I think I need to spend a few sentences elaborating on why the renovation to convert that bilevel house into two units tested me to my limits.

What started as an exciting venture quickly turned into a daunting ordeal. 

Yes, the contractor we initially hired delayed the renovations, barely making progress before I had to make the tough decision to fire him in May 2019. And I explained that part already. What I didn’t explain very well was that, we had to re-do the basement renos the contractor started – when it came to the basement, the technical expertise went out the window. He ripped up the lighting, opened walls, and just left construction debris literally everywhere, but that wasn’t the worst part.

Anyone with any experience getting city permits approved, will tell you, there can be odd bylaws to navigate, but me, a marketer by day and an artist by night, could see that I wasn’t going to get approved for shoddy work on fire safety.  

The contractor literally threw pieces of drywall up to creating the looking of ceiling for the utility room, overtop of the ducts, not securing anything with screws, taping mud or a plan, and said, “this should pass.” 

Looking back, I sometimes wonder if he threw his common sense up there too. 

So yes, I fired his ass. And I’m fortunate my dad is a retired journeyman carpenter, because after that point I needed help to take out the wall for the existing laundry room, remove the ducts, put up the drywall correctly, close up the wall, and finish framing the walls in the room, so it could become a kitchen.

Then many, many other things needed to be done, but I can write a whole series of blog posts on that process, and it to be honest, it doesn’t serve the story or you, so we’ll cap it there.

Long story short, the house renovation was more than just a physical challenge; it was a mental and emotional marathon. Every delay, every setback, chipped away at my confidence and enthusiasm. It wasn’t just about renovating a house anymore; it was about proving to myself that I could overcome these obstacles. The bureaucratic permit red tape, the financial strain, and the constant pressure to meet deadlines were overwhelming. I had financial obligations paying off a house all by myself in addition to completing the renos, and there were countless days when I questioned whether I had made a huge mistake, whether this dream was worth the toll it was taking on my mental health and personal life. They were some dark times.

But lets ignore the dark timeline for now, and fast forward ahead to the point with that first renter secured – we were now half way to filling the two unit property. In June 2022, and with some income finally coming in, we listed our townhouse, because I was confident we could now both afford to pay into a mortgage on our primary residence, and quickly (read: luckily) we found a buyer in the middle of a sellers market, forcing us to search quickly to find a new home ourselves by the end of August 2022. 

And we succeeded. Yay.

And that was it. It’s September of 2022 and I’m finally writing a blog post, immediately upon settling into the house. Back to timotheories, back to purpose. 

Kidding, life had more plans for us. Fast forward another 24 months Tim, you rube. 

Realistically, the past 2 years have been about getting our new house and finances in order. Despite these challenges, we secured a second renter for our rental property by February 2023 and managed to handle rising costs on everything (thanks inflation) in part because we both secured new jobs by the end of 2023. For me it really was life changing money, because I got a pay increase that allowed me to stop the “credit card debt to stay afloat” strategy – so yeah, that was smart of me to leave a financially draining gig.

In short, the stress of buying and selling properties, coupled with the ongoing renovations, was immense. However, we managed to navigate this tumultuous period, and the last 18 months have been focused on settling into our new house and making it a home.

Throughout this period, financial stability was a constant concern. The renovation project to get a passive investment property significantly strained our finances. Missteps, like ordering kitchen cabinets too early and then cutting them to meet code OR dealing with unexpected utility code requirements, stretched our budget and patience to their limits. We had to take out lines of credit, putting a dent in our savings and initial investment. 

But as I mentioned, despite these financial hurdles, we managed to secure a second renter for our rental property by February 2023, and by the end of 2023, we found new jobs that helped us handle the rising costs. And really, really, I need to write a post about the significance of a good solid job as a creative.

Now, would I go through it again? With Mysticque for sure, she is my wife/life, but I honestly don’t think many other women I’d dated before her, could’ve rose to the challenge.

The Triforce of Professional Reasons:

This next piece of my triforce didn’t hit me quite as hard in terms of ideas to write about – its just math, as I like to say in my board game group. Also, it’s pretty clear to me, and hopefully to you too after reading it over, why I needed a change here. 

Professionally, I had stayed with the same company for nearly 17 years, and I was feeling stuck. Yay, another cliche. 

I justified staying with one company, for financial stability, to support our couple goals of buying and renovating properties to turn into rentals. Go mtk properties, go! However, I hadn’t moved into a new position a full 4 years by the time all rental activity was said and done. Even if I had started looking right way, I was already 2 years in, so why the hesitation, I kept asking myself.

I knew better than this, there have been many people wiser than I who have stated that if you must work for someone else, you have to keep up with costs of living, so get yourself promoted or move on, and I was 2 years ripe. I don’t hold to this idea precisely, but theres truth in it. Know your worth.

Ironically, staying with this company was not even giving me financial stability anymore because my earnings weren’t keeping up with my aspirations, let alone having a family. But more insidiously, this supposed job safety net I convinced myself I had, prevented me from fully taking care of myself. I was worrying about money all the time, I wasn’t exercising, I wasn’t taking care of my mental health or my spirit.

A small anecdote, to further drive the point home: My wife reminds me often and often unintentionally, of the endless home projects we need to tackle, which makes it difficult to find energy for my creative passions.  

The monotony of my professional life in pre 2024 contrasted sharply with the chaos and demands of my personal life, creating a weird sense of imbalance that left me feeling unfulfilled. But I just said to myself repeatedly, its fine, its only for the time being, and then I proceeded to become a walking contradiction – I would get irritated constantly because things weren’t moving along fast enough with the renovations, the house search, the job search, etc, etc.

My job, while stable (purely in routine), became a source of frustration. Staying in the same company for almost two decades created a sense of stagnation. While avoiding the risk of a new job seemed like it was essential for supporting our renovation projects and other financial goals, it came at a personal cost. The safety net that my job provided also acted as a cage, preventing me from fully exploring my creative passions and taking care of myself.

And because hindsight is a cruel one, I probably could have changed jobs in the time it took to finish the renovations, easily.

The Triforce of Emotions:

Ho boy, emotions. A word that a younger me would have shied away from at any opportunity. When I was a kid,  I had convinced myself that people didn’t see my emotions, and that may have had something to do with how I responded to my environment as a boy, and so a lot of the time I didn’t claim to have any real feelings. Because it was easier to say that, then admit I really cared about a lot of things. I just didn’t have great strategies at processing and sharing my feelings.

I know now, going into my fourth decade, that I feel things deeply, a lot of times more than most know. I might not share those feelings unless prompted to do so, but I really do care a lot, I get a lot of happiness out of helping others grow in their creativity.

So it bothers me to write this next part out.

Initially, pausing timotheories was a relief. It freed me from the stress of maintaining a rigorous and self-imposed content schedule. But as time went on, the anxieties and mental health issues I hoped to avoid only grew worse. I let go of healthy habits, gaining weight, growing listless, and losing my sense of purpose. I became reactive, rather than proactive, in my life decisions. The reason d’etre that once fueled me seemed to dim, replaced by a sense of emptiness and disconnection.

Some might write that off as too emotional of a thought, or emo as the kids used to say. But I really don’t care if my emotions bother people – they bring out some of the best parts of me, and even when our emotions are a lot to process, we learn from them. Which is why this next part is important to share.

The initial relief I felt when I paused timotheories was fleeting. I hoped to find peace and balance. Instead, the lack of a creative outlet only exacerbated my anxieties and mental health issues. The weight of unfinished projects and unmet expectations grew heavier, and this is the real reason I found myself slipping into unhealthy habits. Being creative fuels me, it drives me forward and gives me strength. I have a lot of ideas constantly pouring through me and not expressing them doesn’t shut it off. It still produces a creative result – the difference is that I’m not controlling the flow, it seeps out instead, much like a teenager coursing with hormones. 

I’ve written before about the significance of discipline, but I think we often unconsciously dismiss the root of why discipline matters. Sure it improves the activity or skillfulness in execution, but more importantly, it refines us as a human, molding our identity into something more than what natural talent affords. 

I’m paraphrasing Bruce Lee here, but any master of any discipline would agree with the sentiment to fear the person who has practiced one kick ten thousand times over the person who has tried ten thousand different kicks once.

When you give your ideas purpose and focus them on habits that matter, your life improves, and for me I have to give due attention to those creative callings, which need habits. I sincerely hope this is the last time I have to relearn that lesson.

Conclusion – theories summarized:

Now that I’ve just set a personal record for a blog post length, on what has been the longest re-introduction posts I’ve ever done, I hope it’s a one and done situation. 

A sincere thank you for reading through what I’ve shared so far of this story; it really does mean a lot, and it will go a long way to hear that you follow along as I continue this series. Please comment below if you made it to the end!

Now astute reader, you might have noticed this was a Part I, there are definitely a few more parts coming, but I’ll try and time them to once a week while I get the momentum back. I used to do this little creative flourish at the end of my posts that I called “theories summarized.” I want to keep doing that, and I will make a more concerted effort to drive a point home going forward. I mention this, because this conclusion is going to run a tad longer than past ones.

So… Part I was a bit of back story on what I’ve been up to – despite the renovation setbacks, the delays in professional and personal goals, and then including health issues, family struggles, and personal losses, I kept pushing forward. Reflecting on these past years, I realize that creativity is essential to my well-being, it forms the completed triforce of meaning for me, and I’m ready to embrace it once again. See what I did there? I fit it all together, like a glove. 

If you want to read more about this story and learn about the adjustments I made while I worked through things in anticipation of my return to content making, please check back in a couple of days from the date of this posts publish date, because I do have Part II coming. Which will time very nicely with the release of the next weekly Confer Culture podcast.

Confer Culture you say? Yes that’s right, I am back to podcasting baybee, and will eventually add video to the mix in the forseeable future, but to start things a bit slower, I’ll be cohosting with my bestest mensch Chris Murphy on his brainchild Confer Culture.

Chris also took a bit of a hiatus from podcasting too. Episode I of the reboot is already up and we talk about all the things art and pop culture. Episode is titled Confer Culture ‘24.

So with all that shared, I’m done creative cuties, glad to be back. 

Tim!