Pretty To Look At, But No One Is Manning The Chair (Kingsman: The Golden Circle review)

What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor, early on the morning?

You kick him to the curb and tell him to sober up. Geez. It’s not that difficult people.


Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Cast: Colin Firth, Julianne Moore, Taron Egerton, Mark Strong, Halle Berry, Elton John, Channing Tatum, Jeff Bridges, Pedro Pascal
Director: Matthew Vaughn
released on blu-ray December 12, 2017
***** 4/10

IMDB: 7.0
Rotten Tomatoes: 51%, Audience Score 68%
The Guardian: */*****

Matthew Allard de Vere Drummond, better known as Matthew Vaughn, is an English director, writer and producer. He is best known for directing Layer Cake, Stardust, Kick-Ass, X-Men: First Class, Kingsman: The Secret Service and most recently, Kingsman: The Golden Circle. A pretty good track record if I do say so myself. Given that I own all of those movies, almost all of them are well rated, and I also like most of them. Unfortunately, The Golden Circle is the odd man out in this case – ironic, given the reason that the first Kingsman movie did so well.

Courtesy of Wikipedia

A year has passed since Eggsy Unwin (Taron Egerton) and the secret organisation Kingsman saved the world from Richmond Valentine’s neurological wave broadcast. He has since taken his late mentor Harry Hart’s (Colin Firth) title of Galahad and lives with Crown Princess Tilde (Hanna Alstrom) of Sweden. On his way home from the tailor shop, he is ambushed by Charlie Hesketh (Edward Holcroft), a former Kingsman trainee who lost his arm and vocal cords during the Valentine incident. Eggsy evades Charlie with his henchmen in a car chase across London, but Charlie’s severed cybernetic arm hacks into the Kingsman servers through the car’s computer system. While Eggsy is away in Sweden, a volley of missiles destroy the Kingsman headquarters and wipe out all of the agents in Britain, including Eggsy’s best friend Roxy. Brandon, a non-Kingsman friend of Eggsy’s, is also killed in the attack.

Being the only surviving agents, Eggsy and Merlin (Mark Strong) follow the Doomsday protocol, which leads them to Statesman, a secret American organisation posing as a Bourbon whiskey distillery in Kentucky. There, they discover that Harry survived Valentine’s gunshot a year earlier, but is suffering from amnesia. Eggsy and Merlin are briefed by Statesman head Champagne (Jeff Bridges) about a secret terrorist organisation called The Golden Circle. They begin their mission by following Charlie’s ex-girlfriend Clara Von Gluckfberg (Poppy Delevingne). When Statesman agent Tequila (Channing Tatum) develops a blue rash, he is replaced by agent Whiskey (Pedro Pascal) as Eggsy’s partner. Eggsy manages to plant a tracking device on Clara during an encounter, but his revelation of the mission to Princess Tilde strains their relationship. After several failed attempts to cure Harry’s amnesia, Eggsy triggers Harry’s memories by threatening to shoot a Cairn Terrier that resembles Harry’s late dog.

Poppy Adams (Julianne Moore), head of the world’s largest drug cartel, broadcasts a message telling the world about a toxin she laced within every recreational drug available, which causes users to develop blue rashes before progressing through mania, paralysis, and ultimately, death. She also demonstrates the antidote on a captive Elton John and offers it to the world if the President of the United States ends his country’s War on drugs and offers her organisation immunity. The President decides to have every affected user quarantined, including his Chief of Staff, Fox, with the intention of letting them all die and therefore ending Poppy’s career. Eggsy, Harry, and Whiskey head to the antidote factory in Italy after intercepting a phone call to Charlie by Clara. Eggsy manages to steal an antidote sample, but it is broken by Whiskey during an ambush by The Golden Circle’s henchmen. During the gunfight, Harry shoots Whiskey in the head, as he suspects that Whiskey is playing both sides, but Eggsy saves him with the same alpha-gel that Statesman had used to save Harry. Princess Tilde calls Eggsy in a state of mania, revealing that she has been affected by the blue rash. Eggsy, Harry, and Merlin discover the location of Poppy’s hideout, “Poppy Land”, in Cambodia and fly there to steal the remote control which deploys the antidote drones.

Upon their arrival at Poppy Land, Eggsy steps on a land mine, but is saved by Merlin, who sacrifices himself while taking the lair’s guards with him. Eggsy and Harry storm through the lair and Eggsy kills Charlie while Harry destroys Poppy’s robotic attack dogs with the help of Elton. They secure the briefcase with the access code to the drones and inject Poppy with a more potent dose of her toxin. She gives them the password before succumbing to an overdose. Before they can activate the drones they are stopped by Whiskey, who, having previously lost his pregnant wife to a crossfire from two methamphetamine users, is revealed to be working alone to ensure that all drug users are eliminated. Eggsy and Harry battle and brutally kill Whiskey in a fight. They release the antidote drones, saving millions of lives around the world.

In the aftermath, Chief of Staff Fox has the President impeached for conspiring to commit genocide on the drug victims. Champ announces that Statesman has acquired a distillery in Scotland to help rebuild Kingsman. To avoid the confusion of two Kingsman agents using the codename “Galahad”, Champagne offers either Eggsy or Harry the agent title of Whiskey, but they decline. Instead, Statesman tech support agent Ginger Ale (Halle Berry) steps in to take the role. Eggsy marries Princess Tilde, and Tequila moves to London to work for Kingsman.

There is a lot going on in this movie, and that is not necessarily a good thing. The plot remained unfocused throughout much of the journey, and given that it clocks in at just over two and half hours, it makes it difficult to even sit through. Some critics are saying that the movie is more conservative others are saying its more bombastic, and both are correct. The movie takes more of the ridiculousness of the first film and amps it up immeasurably, but at the same time, all of the interest in dissecting the spy genre, challenging why we like these movies in the first place, and reinvigorating our interest in the broad strokes… none of that is present.

I’m tired of watching movies that pretend to be a new take on an old formula, and then refuse to deliver the goods. Just because you use a sexual encounter in a weird context (in this context a spy needs to seduce a henchman’s girlfriend to find the henchman. Because obviously the tracker only works if it’s attached to the mucus membrane, and so into the vagina it goes. And to top it off Egerton then argues with his Swedish princess girlfriend for five minutes before he can proceed.

It’s not edgy, it’s not funny, and quite frankly it’s offensive to anyone who cares about monogamous relationships and/or gender equality.

Pros: It’s entertaining to watch this star-studded cast use CGI to beat each other up. Colin Firth, Pedro Pascal, and Mark Strong do a lot to to bolster the audience and engage with the story, heck even though most of the other performances are phoned in, you can tell everyone had fun interacting with each other and pretending to be spies.

Cons: On top of all of the incredible misogyny, that Vaughn claims is a subversion of James Bond cliches, Taron Egerton cannot act to save his life. And unfortunately for us, he is the main protagonist of this film. What makes it worse is that it’s a long film, which takes less chances, and lampoons almost everything to ill effect.

Runtime: 2 hours 21 minutes

Points of Interest: This is the first sequel that Matthew Vaughn has directed. Julianne Moore, Halle Berry, Jeff Bridges, Colin Firth, and Elton John are all Oscar award winners. The movie originally had a runtime of 3 hours and 40 minutes, and it was suggested to split the movie into two parts, which didn’t happen. But there is a third Kingsman movie planned, with a Statesman movie spin-off in talks.

I think one of the biggest challenges of this movie that I haven’t addressed yet is the size of it’s ensemble. The first film had a fairly tight group of actors all working together to ground the story, despite the surrealistic nature of its tale. The Golden Circle is so encumbered by cameos, code names, and robotic canines, that it loses so much of it’s charm. It chokes on it’s own chutzpah.

But enough with the C word alliteration.

theories Summarized

The big question I still have is, is this movie worth watching? I would argue that for many people, it’s a great pop corn flick with lots of CGI and silliness. But if you expect more from your cinema, ie stories with a good plot, thought provoking themes, and interesting characters, then you can probably leave Kingsman: The Golden Circle on the shelf to age a few more years, theory or no.

That said, I can absolutely, and with 100% confidence recommend you check out Get Out. This early 2017 horror from first-time director Jordan Peele is everything that Kingsman: The Golden Circle is not, and then some. Please please watch this movie, it deserves awards!

Also, please comment, like, and subscribe to all of our timotheories channels (YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram) because it’s the right thing to do… We exist because of viewers like you!


Gun Kata (John Wick: Chapter 2 review)

I love the TV Tropes brand. It’s all about the collection of and education on popular culture, specifically as it relates to common figures of speech. The ones that best convey concepts that exist in various forms of media, like movies, or say, television.

Now for example, in action movies, it’s fairly common for guys to smash and girls to shoot things. But does this action movie fall prey to tropes? Or transcend them?


John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)

Cast: Keanu Reeves, Riccardo Scamarcio, Ian McShane, Ruby Rose, Common, Claudia Gerini, Lance Reddick, Laurence Fishburne
Director: Chad Stahelski
re-released on blu-ray June 13, 2017
********** 10/10

IMDB: 7.8
Rotten Tomatoes: 89%, Audience Score 87%
The Guardian: ***/*****

Chad Stahelski is an American stuntman and director. It wasn’t until fairly recently that he took up the reins and decided to direct a movie, starting with  the first John Wick, and now it’s sequel John Wick: Chapter 2. More importantly, Stahelski is famous for his relationship with Brandon Lee, son of Bruce Lee, who died from a gunshot wound during the final days of filming for The Crow. Stahelski was a good friend, and agreed to replace Lee as a stunt double, even wearing prosthetics to look like Lee, so that the movie could be completed.

He is also currently working on Triple Threat, a movie which stars Tony Jaa, Tiger Chen and Iko Uwais. That said, I think with his well established history in film that Stahelski was more then prepared to take on the action genre, and so far, it’s been to his benefit.

In case you haven’t seen 2014’s John Wick, I recommend you go and do so, because there are massive spoilers ahead.

Taken from Wikipedia and edited down –

Mere days later for, former assassin John Wick (Keanu Reeves) is at Abram Tarasov’s (Peter Stormare) chop shop looking for his car. He demolishes Tarasov’s men, but his car is damaged in the fight. He chooses to spare Tarasov as a peace offering, and heads home.

Aurelio (John Leguizamo) fixes the car, but John is visited by Italian crime lord Santino D’Antonio (Riccardo Scamarcio). We learn that John was able to retire with the help of D’Antonio, and that they have a blood oath which John is required to fulfill upon request. D’Antonio presents the medallion to demand services from John, but John refuses. In a fit of rage, D’Antonio decides to take a grenade launcher to John’s house.

Winston (Ian McShane) reminds John of the two rules of the underworld, and that by breaking the oath he would be marked for death. The other rule being that every assassin has amnesty in Winston’s hotel. John reluctantly agrees and accepts the proposal, which is to assassinate  D’Antonio’s sister (Claudia Gerini), the head of the criminal group called the  “High Table”, a council of high-level crime lords. D’Antonio sends Ares (Ruby Rose), his personal bodyguard, to surveil John.

John easily infiltrates Gianna’s compound and confronts her – Gianna instead chooses to commit suicide. While retreating, D’Antonio’s men flip on John, hoping to consolidate his newfound power. Gianna’s bodyguard Cassian (Common) learns what has happened and begins a relentless pursuit.  They land at Winston’s hotel, and stop their battle at per the rules. Cassian vows revenge.

D’Antonio then opens a $7 million  contract on John and he fights his way through the city, dispatching numerous hidden assassins. He even runs into Cassian again, and wins the fight, so he can make his way to underground crime lord The Bowery King (Laurence Fishburne), whose subordinates treat his injuries and guide him to D’Antonio’s location. After navigating a hall of mirrors, John forces D’Antonio back to the the Continental. But despite Winston’s warnings, John kills D’Antonio in the Continental dining room.

Winston unfortunately has to excommunicate John from the order, but gives him another marker and some time to plan his next move before doubling the contract and sending it out globally. This doesn’t phase John, who collects his dog and starts running across the city.

Oddly enough this movie manages to accomplish more then enough in the way to trope fulfillment and furnishing a thin plot to move the action ahead.

But where most action flick fall apart because of their ridiculous premise, John Wick embraces the odd and each element is considered within the framework of the already established world. We can suspend our disbelief because we don’t “really” know how the world of assassins works, but the action and dialogue are slick, allowing the most important motivation of John Wick’s revenge to shine throughout.

Pros: The rules of this world continue to be defined with great consideration and the lack of CGI create better entertainment then anything out there right now. The choreography, the cinematography, even Reeves in the role of John is deliberate.

Cons: Of course, the motivations of the first film are stronger and the action a little more frantic. This movie serves up a lot more of the same, and is a little long as a result. And then we introduce the problem of John as someone who is invincible, and with that Superman complex, a little less compelling.

Runtime: 2 hours 2 minutes

Points of Interest: Keanu Reeves is a talented martial artist, and performed almost all of the stunts himself, with the exceptions of the car crash and falling down stairs. Second time director Chad Stahelski was a stuntman in the Matrix Trilogy. Laurence Fishburne elude to their connections as co-stars of The Matrix Trilogy.

The first John Wick movie was artfully created and a sleeper hit of 2014. This movie is an excellent addition to the catalogue and another example that over-the-top budgets don’t always equal action success. The Fishburne cameo is a welcome addition and perfect demonstration of the skillful layering going in in this movie.

theories Summarized

I really enjoyed this film and I suspect that if you are an action movie fan, Keanu Reeves supporter and even interested in experiments in storytellling, then you won’t blink twice at picking this up. That said, I have to wonder where we can go from here, and hope that Stahelski can put a nice bow on these films after the third is completed. John Wick: Chapter 2 appears to be mindless fun, but it has more then enough world-building to make stand out as one of the top five movies of 2017.

Also, in case you’re looking for another movie recommendation, the latest and greatest Watch Culture vid is now up!

No more theories from me friends, I’m tapped out for the now. But come back tomorrow for some wisdom.


Don’t Stop Breathing (Don’t Breathe review)

Shock value has it’s place in film, but I’m of the school that believes that there are only two real ways to achieve those results without looking like you’re pandering to the audience.

  1. The shocks have to be unique and unexpected; this is the best case scenario
  2. You need to be overwhelmed by them, which will produce either a sense of dread OR satire-infused laughter




Don’t Breathe (2016)

Cast: Stephen Lang, Jane Levy, Dylan Minnette, Daniel Zovatto
Director: Fede Alvarez
released on blu-ray November 29, 2016
******** 8/10


IMDB: 7.2
Rotten Tomatoes: 87%, Audience Score 80%
The Guardian: ****/*****

Fede Alvarez only has two directorial credits to his name to date, but he is already establishing himself as someone to be reckoned with. After releasing a short film to YouTube in 2009, he caught the attention of Ghost House Pictures, who decided to give him the directorial responsibilities for the Evil Dead remake – no small task to be sure. Fast forward a few years later and the movie did well but it’s not regarded as highly as the original but I personally think it’s a strong movie in it’s own right.

Then Alvarez was given the opportunity to make Don’t Breathe, what he calls an exercise in reversal. A challenge against the complaints of Evil Dead. An original story with limited blood that focuses on shocking the audience with real world horror. It also subverts some tropes about scary houses and home invasions being a horror for the owner.

The movie introduces us to Rocky (Jane Levy), Alex (Dylan Minnette), and Money (Daniel Zovatto). They live in Detroit and make money by breaking into homes through Alex’s father’s security company. Rocky has an abusive home life and wants to leave for California with her little sister as soon as possible.

Money receives a tip from their buyer that a blind Army vet (Stephen Lang) has $300,000 in cash in his house, given as a settlement after a young woman killed his daughter in a car collision.

After drugging the Blind Man’s dog, the teens are only able to break into the house through a small window because the security system is reinforced with additional locks. Unable to find the money, Money shoots a locked door and wakes the Blind Man who overpowers and kills him. Rocky hides in a closet, but sees the Blind Man open the safe. After he leaves, Alex and Rocky take the money and attempt to leave, but not before the Blind Man learns that there were more intruders than just Money..

Heading into the basement, the pair are surprised by a restrained, gagged woman in a padded cell. She is Cindy, the woman that killed the Blind Man’s daughter. They free her and attempt to leave, stopped by the Blind Man, who mistakenly shoots and kills Cindy. Rocky and Alex flee while the Blind Man shuts off the lights.

Rocky gets into the vents, while Alex is attacked by the newly awake  guard dog, and then is seemingly killed by the Blind Man. Meanwhile, the dog pursues Rocky through the vents, and she is eventually captured by the Blind Man. She wakes up restrained, where the Blind Man reveals he artificially inseminated Cindy to replace the child she killed. He then attempts to artificially inseminate Rocky but Alex knocks him out and handcuffs him.

Rocky and Alex attempt to leave one last time, but the Blind Man breaks free and shoots Alex. Rocky is able to escape, pursued by the dog, though she does trap it. The Blind Man uses this as an opportunity to recapture her, but at the last moment she disorients him with the house alarm system, and knocks him into the basement where he shoots himself by accident. Finally able to leave Detroit, Rocky and her sister see a news report that the Blind Man survived a B&E, but no mention of the stolen money.


Pros: Alvarez employs the familiar techniques of suspense quite well, and even manages an excellent plot twist that will surprise even the most liberal of sensibilities. The plot is tight and pacing is well kept.

Cons: The three protagonists are undercooked meat. Which makes it difficult to accept the antics that get them locked in the house in the first placee AND all of the little noises they make which set off the alarms for the Blind Man.

Runtime:  1 hour 28 minutes

Points of Interest: Each of the actors wore restrictive contact lenses – Stephen Lang’s were designed for low light, while the other actors wore lenses that dilated their pupils but also greatly restricted their vision. The film was originally titled A Man In The Dark.

This is one of those rare instances where doing the opposite of what works paid off in spades. Lang is a menacing villain and while it might not be obvious why he should be one from the outset, by the time you’ve finished, his purpose is clear. The twist is vital to the films success, but I can almost guarantee no one will see it coming. Get it? See it coming?

Don’t Breathe is one of those movies that I could likely make into an annual venture along with the rest of my horror film collection, but I don’t think it is infinitely re-watchable. This is to the credit of Fede Alvarez, as he has brought something shocking to the table which demands respect and proper attention. Don’t Breathe is a non-supernatural horror-thriller with a place on your shelf, just make sure to dust regularly, otherwise I recommend not breathing near your collection.


You Wanna Be Startin’ Something (Michael Jackson, Thriller review)

It’s difficult to find an album that feels timeless, because most of the time, we are in that time and have no frame of reference, but when you start cycling through the back catalogue of musical history it can become pretty obvious when something is brilliant.

And if you’re okay with it, dear readers, I’d like to call it a thriller.

Michael Jackson – Thriller
released November 30, 1982
********** 10/10


Michael Jackson was an American singer, songwriter, dancer, actor, producer and philanthropist. Known by countless fans as the King of Pop, he truly was a global figure in pop culture for just over four decades.

It’s incredibly hard not to talk about pop music and think of Michael Jackson, well for me anyway. I grew up on MTV, Much Music, and Much More Music videos. I must’ve seen the music video for Thriller more than a hundred times in my youth. And it was one of the only “cool” albums in my parents record collection that wasn’t influenced by country or christmas music, so writing about this album is of special significance for moi.

You know, I don’t think I’ve made this very clear yet. When I was a kid we listened to a lot of country music. A lot.

The radio in the kitchen was always tuned to country music, and whenever we went on the road, it was the same challenge. My dad was a heavy influencer of what was played in the house and it wasn’t until my early teenage years that I really started to spread my wings musically and try other stuff out.

I can partially thank Michael Jackson for that.

Thriller was Michael Jacksons’ most successful album and it remains to this day as the best-selling album of all time, with more than 65 million units sold worldwide. It helped transform the musical landscape of the day by bolstering the success of MTV and bringing more attention to music videos as a medium. The title track, Thriller has a music video which is almost fourteen minutes in length, more than double that of the song. Which should say something about Jackson’s creative vision and ability to correctly champion innovative ideas.

Unfortunately he died in 2009, just over seven years ago, but he left an incredible legacy which I largely attribute to the efforts of this album. What I mean is that Thriller is also a gargantuan effort in breaking down many challenges of race and segregation in the musical arts.  Well in general too, but this is a blog about the arts, so yeah.

Seven of the album’s nine songs became singles over a two year period – The Girl Is Mine, Billie Jean, Beat it, Wanna Be Startin’ Something, Human Nature, P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing), Thriller.

Which should tell you that it was influential. And both Baby Be Mine and The Lady in My Life are excellent songs in their own right.

I choose to review this album, because for me Halloween will always be tied in with Thriller. The song was released as a single about a year before I was born, so it was always around. Not to mention the fact that it features zombies and Vincent Price – Who was also synonymous with horror. Thriller is a a certifiable piece of music history and dammit if it isn’t a fun listen. I must’ve spun it more than a dozen times this week in preparation for my review, and I still want to listen to it. For those of you living under a rock, do yourself a favour and listen to Thriller… it’s over 30 years old now and still relevant.




Happy Halloween my friends. It comes around but once a year, and though I hope you’ll get why I choose a classic record this time around instead of keeping up with the rhythm of releases, consider this. Sometimes providing a quality review is more important than a contemporary one. Which might be the case for tomorrows theatrical entry. But you’ll just have to see for yourselves.



In The Deep (The Shallows review)

Jaws did an excellent job in 1975 of creating a movie monster out of the great white shark. You see dear readers, for a long time people believed that sharks had never attacked a human being. And it wasn’t until the early 21st century that some attacks happened which inspired Jaws.

This lead to sport fishing of sharks over a few decades and a sever decline in several shark populations. But that was before scientists worked to prove that sharks were not vengeful man-eaters and as well, our medical ability to respond to bites has dropped the fatality rate down considerably.

But some myths are slow to die, and as such directors have to come up with inventive ways to tell a story…

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The Shallows (2016)

Cast: Blake Lively, Oscar Jaenada, Brett Cullen, Sedona Legge
Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
released on blu-ray September 27, 2016
******* 7/10


IMDB: 6.4
Rotten Tomatoes: 77%, Audience Score 61%
The Guardian: ***/*****

Jaume Collet-Serra is a Spanish film director and producer. Known for such films as House of Wax, Orphan, Unknown, Non-Stop, and Run All Night. Collet-Serra will also direct his fourth collaboration with Liam Neeson in the 2017 action-thriller The Commuter.

The Shallows is definitely his best film to-date, in a very lean thriller that makes good use of Blake Lively as both a comedic and dramatic actress. With that said, let’s go over the plot, shall we?

The film introduces us to it’s lead Nancy (Blake Lively) pretty much right away, with her on a trip to visit a secluded beach in Mexico, one which her mother visited while pregnant with Nancy. Seeing as how Nancy’s mother recently passed away, the daughter thinks it apt to surf the beach and think upon whether she ought to continue medical school.

Meeting up with two other young guys, she surfs the waves for several hours before the locals decide to head in. Nancy is not content with this and decides to ride one more wave. As she is preparing to surf, she notices a dead whale, and is then attacked by a great white shark.

Using her wits, some costume jewelry in the form of a stitch job, and befriending a seagull she names Steven, Nancy is able to bandage her leg wound with parts of her wetsuit, and perch herself upon a rock for the night. Unfortunately she is about 200 yards away from the shoreline, and while she eventually sees both a drunken thief eaten by the shark, as well as the two young men from the previous day attacked, Nancy still cannot get back to the shore. One of the guys was wearing a GoPro, so Nancy records a message to her dad and sister, and makes an attempt for a buoy.

I’m not going to tell you how the story ends, but I will say this. Yes you could compare it to Jaws, but in some ways it reminds me more of other survival stories like 127 Hours and Hitchcock’s The Birds.

Pros: It will get your heart pounding and engage your senses, while also making you feel like you’re there with Lively as she determines what to do at each twist of the plot.

Cons: The backstory of Nancy is somewhat tacked on, and there are moments where it was obvious she had been CGI’d right into the body of a competent surfer, making me wonder if an unknown but talented actress might have done a better job.

Runtime: 1 hour 26 minutes

Points of Interest: This is the second time Lively has led a movie, the first was The Age of Adaline. Jaume Collet-Serra was adamant that this movie be billed as one of survival as opposed to gore and that it was note a “creature movie.”

This summer was kinda bland. So it was nice to finally see a solid blockbuster thriller shot on a shoestring budget. The spirit of the film is definitely inside of this theme of survival, and while Blake Lively is not the most diverse choice on the planet, she does well in this particular role. If you have any interest in either survival films or movies that riff off of the common shark in the water homage, you’ll probably enjoy The Shallows.




I fully expected this movie to startle me and make me think on that classic tale of man vs shark, and the immortalized phrase… don’t go in the water. Well, if I’m being perfectly honest, I have no plans to go in the water for the next ten years at least. So good job to The Shallows, for giving me a deep fear.