Dum De Dum Dum Dee Da (David Deida)
I’m blue da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee da ba die, da ba dee da ba die.
When I was a boy, I thought that was a cool song. But when I was a boy, I thought a lot of things were cool, and boy was I wrong. Luckily for all of us, I grew up, and along the way I learned a few things about desire, love, spirituality, and work.
And thankfully, I am no longer blue. Because who wants to be blue when you can be green? (read: my True Colors test results).
Pursuing knowledge, gaining insights, becoming closer to the truth of the matter. These are the things that those of us with “masculine” energy should chasing after at all times.
I first decided to pursue personal enlightenment back in 2007, just after I had graduated from University, but before I had really settled into any discernable sort of full-time work. I’ve read books on science, philosophy, business, psychology, sociology, history, biography, and the ever popular self-improvement. Now I’ll admit, the first few years of reading were purely based on whimsy, recommendations from friends, and whatever I came across.
But one summer in 2010, a friend of mine lent me a copy of this book by David Deida, and I realized that I knew little to nothing about anything beyond what I could see.
You see, David Deida is an American author and life coach who specializes in books about relationships between men and women as they relate to each other through spirituality and sexuality. At this point, Deida is an interntational bestselling author with many of his books being published in various languages.
He is also known for hosting workshops on spiritual growth and intimacy, and is one of the many founding associates at the Integral Institute. Some of his more popular books on human spirituality include The Way of the Superior Man, Finding God Through Sex, and Blue Truth and the autobiographical novel Wild Nights.
And back in 2010, he taught me something about women, that I’ll never forget.
I decided to reread The Way of the Superior Man this month because I know what my purpose in life is, but oh so many of us refuse to acknowledge it.
Coming to terms with the notion that you may be doing everything wrong in your life is hard to accept, but Deida teaches that it is only when we are in moments of quiet reflection that our purpose presents itself. And it will do this over and over again if we need a refresher, all we have to do is sit in quiet reflection. In fact, it needs to be more important than any relationship you will ever have with a woman, and if you stick to your purpose, the woman you are with will be all the more attracted to you.
Deida has jam packed his book full of tidbits such as this, and while at times it seems overwhelming to read, it slowly starts to make more and more sense.
Masculine energy is about consistency, while feminine energy is constantly moving, it is life itself. He goes on to explain further that no matter what gender we are, we all have both kinds of energy, a sort of yin an yang of sexual identity. Where it gets complicated is in understanding that as a man, in a relationship with a woman (which can easily apply to gay men and women as well as sexual identities) it becomes your responsibility to provide the masculine energy so that the woman may focus on feminine energy, where balance is created in the differences.
Ideas of masculine energy leading the relationship, living according to a persona code, seeking freedom at all times, and seeking challenges constantly are some of the things that Deida expects of an evolved male.
That means learning to enjoy the drama in a relationship, working on your sexual identity and skill-set, while living outside of your personal comfort zone. What that means is allowing the woman in your life to communicate with you. Talk about the problem, but do not seek to solve it. Have fun, bring humour to the situation without making fun of her, and love her as she is.
I could spend a lot more time outlining the details of this book, but that would betray it’s intent. It’s about spending time with the ideas contained therein, reflecting upon them, and then introducing them into your own life. I’ll leave you with this thought – You need to be both erect and at peace simultaneously, so that she may crush you with emotion, dance, and sexuality. And that’s no theory.