The 5 Love Languages (Gary D. Chapman)

Wednesday is typically a day for wisdom here on timotheories, as you know, dear readers.

It’s the day I share ideas from famous artists, motivational pieces of art, give suggestions on things you can do to make your life more fulfilling, and sometimes I dole out my own theories of global wisdom. For example, on one post in particular, I decided to construct my own reading list and then I came up with a catchy theme to describe the different types of books I would draw from to grow and shape my own journey. Like Liu Kang.

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I even called it The Reading List. Not like Liu Kang.

Which makes perfect sense to me, even if it is a bit obvious. Like Liu Kang. But then as mentioned I took the post a bit further and came up with a conceptual framework to flesh out the types of books I would be reading going forward.

I called that concept the The 5 L’s of Language, not to be confused with the name of a book called The Five Love Languages, and which is authored by one Gary D. Chapman. Who happens to be this week’s featured author.

Just in case you forgot, this is what The 5 L’s of Language look like –

 

I will read one book a month from the 5 groupings below, slowly expanding the number of books read so that I reach the point of 5 books a month. A book for each group

  1. LIFE – Biographies/Art/Music
  2. LOVE – Classic Fiction/Non-Fiction/Graphic Novels
  3. LEARN – Business/Leadership/Self-Help
  4. LABEL – Philosophy/Sociology/Psychology
  5. LEET– The Internet

If you haven’t figured it out just yet, the topic o’ the day is LEARN. As In you need to learn your own unique primary love language as well as how the other four work. You do this so that you can properly love yourself, a romantic partner, and even manage other relationships better, whether you are single, married, a child, teenager, or even just a man.

Gary D. Chapman, Five Kinds of Love

Gary D. Chapman has authored at least five books related to the concept of five love languages and co-authored two books on the languages of apology and appreciation. He originally came up with the idea of The Five Love Languages after looking into twelve years worth of his own notes on common patterns he witnessed when counselling couples. He asked a very simple question – when someone feels unloved by their spouse, what do they want from them? And thus five categories of answers emerged.

If you can learn to appreciate the difference between words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and gift giving, then you’re working towards a rather positive and generous view of love and how to share it.

I bet you’re hoping for more of a definition of each term, so that you can go out and apply these ideas ASAP. Well, okay, but I recommend that you read the book first, and then run a legit profile through Chapman’s website.

With that mentioned here is a quick overview of each language –

  • Words of Affirmation: spoken affection, praise, or appreciation.
  • Acts of Service: actions, rather than words, used to show and receive love.
  • Receiving Gifts: giving gifts that are meaningful.
  • Quality Time: expressing affection with undivided attention.
  • Physical Touch: sex, holding hands, hugs – affection via touch.

As you get comfortable with the languages friends, you’ll learn which of the five is most important to you, and then you begin to implement the philosophy into your own life.

For example, if your primary love language is “quality time” like me, that means you should spend time for yourself on meaningful activities, whether those activities include another party or two is up to you, but if you make art, you’ll like enjoy doing it on your lonesome. Or if physical touch is important to you, maybe you spend time in dance classes, making theatre with friends or regularly hugging your friends and family. But that’s just a theory.

Tim!

One Hit Wonder (Communication Is Key)

Communication is a pain in the butt. Well, that’s what I used to think a long time ago. Being an artist, I was set up to be a recluse, because artists were outcasts. And it was a loneliness I chose.

That was what I told myself anyway.

When you are in your teenage years, and even early 20s, it can be incredibly convenient to look at the world in black and white. If you don’t fit in, it’s because you shouldn’t, so rebel, rebel, rebel. Hell it’s a rebel yell.

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You know, I know adults who still do this. Walk around with a very limited view of things and an expectation that you either accept the “truth” they are hawking or they judge you and separate themselves from you. It’s a result of seeing the world the way you want to, and not the way it actually is.

I’m going to share a nugget with you, all you cute and wonderful and dear readers of mine. The truth is that nobody cares what you do with yourself and your time. People aren’t trying to get in your way, they are doing what they can to live their life (exist), escape their life (survive), or fulfill their life (thrive). I like to call it the EST models of life.

You want to thrive, trust me.

This is why it’s so incredibly important to follow the basic principles of communication. Anyone can do it. That’s right, we are reviewing another one of the key 10 skills to invest in. Artists can learn these skills, and everyone really should.

Communication is key.

Let’s recap. In a time when texting, email, and social media are the new favourites, try to use the phone more often. It saves on countless back and forth. And speaking of back and forth, be concise in your emails. Respond to calls and emails as quickly as you can, and when you can’t do that, set up a regular time to respond to your contacts.

But we’ll go over this in more detail because I have at least 200 words left to write. Ever heard of the 7 C’s of Communication? No, well it’s a fantastic way to keep your communication on point.

  1. Clear – it’s important to define you purpose for communication, and keep the number of ideas to a minimum. For example, one idea per sentence. In a three line email, that’s a maximum of 3 ideas, capiche?
  2. Concise – Get rid of all the filler words in your life. And don’t repeat yourself. Ever.
  3. Concrete – You have to explain why people should care, that means using some MF emotion, passion, and keeping focused.
  4. Correct – Oh this one’s a lot of fun. Make sure that you keep your communication error-free. And don’t use big words to make a statement. You can use relevant words, but don’t swim in pomposity.
  5. Coherent – Remember when we were talking about clarity in point no. 1? Well you need to keep all the points in a communication relevant, otherwise people get overwhelmed. One topic per meeting, phone call or email.
  6. Complete – Your message needs a call to action (when required) and details to keep the audience informed.
  7. Courteous – Be friendly in your communication. Tell the truth and be open-minded. The book How To Win Friends and Influence People comes to mind.

And there you have it, I’ve just given communication to an artist who needs it. No greater gift for you fine folks on a wisdom Wednesday. That’s all she wrote though folks. I’m out of theories for the moment. I’ll see you tomorrow with something rather timely.

Tim!

Road Map (Find Your Mentors)

One of my favourite things about film is the great associations films can have with words and ideas (spoiler alert for today’s wisdom). For instance, whenever I think of taking a road trip, I can’t help but remember 2000’s road sex comedy movie of the same name, Road Trip.

That movie is chock full of references for me.

For instance, I can’t help but think of Austin whenever someone mentions Boston and vice-versa. Clip conveniently included if you don’t get the reference.

On the other side of levity, the consequences of absorbing this content meant that I had weird ideas about what a new adult should be and could be, and as I mentioned in a previous post, it created some strange ideas of what post-secondary (and in the larger picture, adult life) would probably be like. But that doesn’t mean Road Trip has no redeeming qualities. In fact, the eccentricities of it’s lead characters demonstrate reality far better than most college themed films, that and an amazing idea tucked into pop culture sensibilities towards the end of the film, is super important.

Specifically, the scene where one of the characters is able to teach the lead character Josh the ancient philosophy course material needed to pass a class and stay in university. This is achieved by using analogies of wrestlers from WWF (WWFE or WWE as it is known today).

Rubin: What class is that again?
Rubin: Ancient philosophy.
Rubin: Well I can teach you ancient philosophy in 46 hours.
Josh: Really?
Rubin: Yeah, I can teach Japanese to a monkey in 46 hours. The key is just finding a way to relate to the material. Like, OK… You like pro wrestling, don’t you?
Josh: Who doesn’t?
Rubin: OK. Socrates was like the Vince McMahon of philosophy. He started it all.

This might seem dumb on the surface, and just feel-good filler but it is incredibly profound – perception is reality. What this means is that if you believe something, no matter how untrue, you won’t be able to get past it unless you come at it from a place of understanding. Rubin was able to “teach” Josh about philosophy using a subject he loved and cared about.

That’s the first step to growth, moving forward in a way that you can understand, which means making the content relational to your current interests and understanding and engaging with enthusiasm.

On that note, I want to continue the self-improvement concepts we’ve been examining, by focusing on a fairly important point, one which I’ve avoided in previous weeks because I wanted you to be as prepared as possible for the inevitable. How sneaky of me.

Well here it is – the realization that change is difficult and sometimes feels impossible, is only one step of many steps you need to take in order to stick with whatever creative purpose you have in your heart. You have to do this in order to make something and offer it up to the world.

I struggle with it myself, dear readers.

But that’s why it’s so rewarding once you begin to see results, because these are hard won battles, and a lot of the time they are with old beliefs you didn’t realize you were nursing so hard. That means taking baby steps and slowly changing a little by little, and to always keep in mind the power of reinvention.

By moving forward and focusing on what is in front of you, you can begin to dissolve the past. But guess what? You can’t just figure it out on your own, that’s how you got to where you are right now. By simply sleep-walking through life and absorbing things in your dream state. And we all know how fucked up dream state can be.

And then you aren’t making your art, you’re struggling to figure out what it’s in front of you.

Which means you need to find a teacher; this can be accomplished with a person who already has done what you want to (quickest, most emotional), through resources like books and films (longer, how you get 3/4 of the info), and lastly through a change in perception. Ever heard the expression, when the student is ready, the teacher appears? That’s largely a mental thing, because everything around you is capable of demonstrating the ideology and passion you are striving for. Rocks can represent hidden art for instance, or tree roots can represent learned knowledge.

So please find a mentor. This can be challenging for sure, as covered already, but  there are levels of mentorship and you will need all of them.

But don’t take my word for it, read this article to get yourself started.

And that’s all the theories I have for today, my friends. Please leave some comments below, subscribe to the blog if you haven’t already, and I’ll see you tomorrow with something timely.

Tim!